12:01 input my exposures. gonna see if i can sweep outside now. i think eloise left


texting mimi. she says she will punch any transphobes for me. i love her she rlly means well. means a lot for her to agree with me yesterday


i went outside to sweep. wendy was there working at the table and when i say im sweepinf she says she can move to work somewhefe else. im worries shes scared of me now.


mimi came in and we chatted. she helped me move the chairs out while i swept. i set a timer and start playing ag cook. we talk a lot about f1


i finish sweeping and realize the timer was paused who care. we put back the chairs. i feed my sourdough starter


i say goodnight and go brush my teeth and use the restroom change slippers. wash hands i wash face put on testosterone wash hands


i go outside change slippers grab water refill take it with me to room take meds put on fail oil. i take off slippers turn on fan and lay down i play wordscapes. and also obey me. obey me anime coming out v excited


2:00~ i’m texting ace. taylor commented on my post that asked cis people not to comment. i decide that i’m not entertaining that idea anymore. cant deal with a cis person like that. taylor sends me a lot of memes. i respond but im mad lmao. i text ace abt it and then say gnite


2:44 wake up cant sleep. go drink magnesium


4:00~ canf sleep. move pillows n blankets around to try n help. eventually sleep


7:27 wake up. try n go back to sleep


8:10 morning ! had dream really vivid but forgetting it. slept four hours 20 min sleep score 68. i check instagram and text back spencer. they know taylor and saw my story post abt her on my finsta lmao.

8:23 i get up put on slippers go to bathroom. i pee

8:26 i get up flush. go wash hands and brush teeth

8:29 finish wash face. change slippers run to room take off slippers turn on light grab candle light it. was farting this morning and the room smells like that and also really sweaty and i dont have any windows that can open. i make my bed

8:30 i get on my bed pull blanket over me go to check in form. i closed down my windows so the google form saved while full and i have to manually delete everything

8:32 i join group and fill out as we talk. i go last luckily

8:39 end group. i go to daily assignments. megans april fools joke is that it’s friday. i Will be throttling her

check in:

hw last night was sweeping and puttinf away dirty clothes

today i want tk go back to full exposure schedule ans finish most of them durinf program

depression 2 ln 4

avoidance 1 ln 3

rumination 2 ln 2

self harm 0 ln 0

homicide 0 ln 0

eat dinner yes

brush teeth yes

shower yes

breakfast no

slept 4 hr not well

suicidal ideation 2 ln 4

anxiety 2 ln 6

9:01 finish catching up typing gonna do retrain ocd nvm exposures

9:05 finish techmology. 4 3 0. gonna make bfast. grab the pancake mix cups that mimi got me

9:09 do kitchen floor

9:13 finish 4 0. i eat my pancake mix

9:16 start fridge

9:19 finish 4 3 3. urge urge urge. three urges after. add six cuz the trash smells and every time i smell it urge

9:20 bring trash with me to room cuz scared of trash can

9:21 join meeting with megan

9:34 end meeting. we are happy about my progress ! still smell the trash over here

9:38 retrain ocd

9:47 finish. need to do more exposure. urge. gonna veg out til 10

9:54 catch up obey me

10:00 get up technology

10:04 finish 4 2 3. three urgea. need to take risperdal

10:05 put on slippers go outside take risperdal

10:06 trash smell urge. see stove urge. i miss my sim. gonna do floor

10:10 end. 4 3. i closed the trash can lid while walking. urge. check insta

10:14 shelves

10:17 finish 4 4 2. three urges

10:20 go bathroom change slipper sink

10:23 finish. 3 4 3. i thin out my hair and wipe the sink with toilet paper then flush it. my hair lies more flat n i like it

10:31 finish shelves 4 4 3. i text augustina about obey me ankme and Julián abt tmg

10:35 start floor

10:39 finish floor 4 3. urge three times

10:40 go on insta. augustina posted selfies to her story she looks so cute. wish i had skin as nice as hers

10:41 urge. urge

10:42 shelves

10:45 finish. 4 3 3. pissed off text group chat again that the kitchen is disgusting. the stove is full of food and the counter is full of crumbs. no one washes the dish used to put down spoons or tongs on the stove and it’s covered in stains. i smell the trash still but that’s my own fault i cant blane that on others. so many urges lets say twelve. im going back into my room and sanitizing

10:48 room sanitize take off slippers. technology next

10:52 finish. 3 2 2. so angry lmao. im so tired of this bullshit

10:55 one more time

10:59 finish 4 3 3

11:16 finish with dr wang. we are adding more risperdal at night and gonna start fluvoxamine next week. she wants my paranoia to completely go away. that is a very tall order.

11:17 technology again

11:21 finish 4 3 3 three urges

11:25 fill out exposure logs. urge. gonna go outside again

11:29 finish 3 3. three urges. i talk with wendy. she’s sad because she cleans a lot too and its others that dont. i say i know. wendy really does clean a lot. im not mad at her at all

11:31 grab ramen. three urges. wendy using microwave

11:32 go to laundry room. cross bathroom dont change slippers. start

11:36 finish washing machine 5 5 4. eight urges. four after. grab my pillowcase and bring

11:37 two. put ramen in microwave only use paper towel on top. this is exposure therapy im freaked out with it touching the bottom cuz dr wang mentioned it

11:39 go to room sanitize. tired.

12:57 finish

1:04 check insta

1:06 floor

1:10 finish. 3 0. gonna do sink

1:14 finish. 3 2 0. dont feel like im rushing but will give myself a minute before washing machine

1:15 start

1:18 finish. 4 5 3

1:21 sink

1:24 finish 4 3 2. three urges

1:26 cross over to room take off slippers sanirize. it smells like ramen gonna plug in air freshener. i passed by mimi in the kitchen but i stayed really quiet

1:27 before plugging in i take trash to kitchen. sam emptied it. i go and i empty the trash from tje bathroom. urge 2. i wash hands ten minutes scrub. say hi to mimi she is making a salad. this is her favorite kind of weather. i go back to my room sanitize three times plug in freshener

1:28 get on bed pmug in exposures

1:31 join meeting

1:40 leave put on slippers gonna do washing machine

1:41 enter laundry room through bathroom dont change slippers start

1:44 finish 3 4 3

1:46 start sink

1:49 finish 3 3 2. gonna do one more washing machine in a sec

1:50 mimi comes back into the kitchen to wash her dish

1:51 start washing machine

1:55 finish. 3 2 1. three urges

1:56 texting kon and ace about drug addict goujou au. i want to do drugs so badly

1:57 i go into my room get on my bed snd fill out exposures snd the check out form

2:01 i join group

2:08 leave group. tally sanitizing

2:12 went on insta for a bit but finish:

worked on full list of trials and retrainocd

i did well !

depression 1

avoidance 1

rumination 1

self harm thoughts 0

homicidal thoughts 0

suicidal ideation 0

anxiety 0

hw i will sweep, use headphones for podcast, watch tv with roommate, use ipad

sanitize ban submit 5 resist 64

2:13 go outisde put on slippers start fridge

2:18 finish 3 2 2. practice dancing i wanna go to a warehouse party so bad

2:20 i do sink

2:23 finish 2 1 1

2:25 do washinf maxhing

2:29 finish 2 2 0. go back to room take off slippers sanitize

2:30 i get on bed and update exposure logs. i am DONE FOR THE DAYYYYY woo

2:33 catch up on obey me. check mail. all jobs are trying to hire within the week so i cant apply. sad

3:14 was on phone with charles schwab. got new info updated and sent my 1099 form to my dad. we rlly did win with our investments. thank u tata

3:15 i fart. im going to get some water

3:41 i sent out emails to david, kevin, snd texted laub and schelsey about meeting to talk abt my art

3:42 nino texts me a belated happy tdov. he tells me i am loved. i start crying

4:04 been on instagram and texring sam about klaus biesenbach. sam came over at one point to discuss idk when

4:22 go outside. sam and milner are talking about sam’s messed up class wjere tje professor keeps messing up on zoom

4:30 i get water

5:25 sorry zoned out. ate two rounds of nuggets. power went out. might nap. yeah.

5:35 mimi wants us to make art


7:30~ i wake up

i was running around. there was a bad person and i was trying to find them they kept moving and transforming. the dream isnt super clear to write down ut irs ckear in my head. but i wss with one person then thought another woman was in cahoots i go with her a room outside with a black iron fence and s pool. i wss with her snd ghen the strated stretching snd transforming into something evil. i ran away. a lit more happened but its reslly really blurry. my muscles hurt

dream i was laying down in a big room there were items on the roof beams above me and the ketchup bottle was open. there was olive oil.


i wake up and hear wendy let jamie inside.

7:54 texting cam and bacon and dom about hanging out tomorrow. everyone has been vaccinated and cam and bacon have been fully vaxxed for s few weeks so i feel safe. excirwd to see them

8:06 we start watching

8:10 i finish rhping down dream

8:15 sam xomes outside. wendy asks if he wants to be a week and watch inuyasha with us. he says no. we ask him to be on the the podcast

8:16 san goes inside his room

8:36 we finish the first two ep of inuyasha. i get my electronics all organizwd for the podcast i go grab them from my room dont take off slippers

10:06 we finish the podcast episode

10:18 im texting ace and kon abt starting riverdale.

10:20 we start talking abt jack. milner and mimi go to the living room and sit on the beige couch and start watcjing alien

10:25 ace sends the telepartu link on discord. i join anf its just me and ace

10:27. watching a video of jack on youtube. i rq him on insta. ace is sending a synopsis to kon before we start watching

10:30 ace sends a new teleparty link.

10:32 we start the teleparty for riverdale

10:45~ we pause to take meds. i take my risperdal lamictal methylfolate and i go to the bathroom change slippers pee.  i brush my teeth and run out of toothpaste. i wash my face and put on my testosterone. i wipe down the sink with toilet paper and flush it. i go back and we start watching again

11:20 i text that im moving to my room. i grab my mic and items and try and organize my things

11:21 start heading to room. chat with wendy a bit

11:22 i take off slippers put down mt mix

11:23 bring the rest of my electronics to my room sanitize take off slippers

11:25 start playing riverdale again

11:31 fart. typing my day. i go to get my keyboard cover jsut cuz the noise is giving me a migraine. not ocd just hurts my ears

11:44 ace pauses

11:47 resume again. their mom kneed them in the back on accident