SATURDAY - APRIL 10

7:30 wake up play obey me. had a dream but decided to sleep

7:50 wake up from second alarm turn off

10:32 wake up genuinely. had another dream but choosing not to try to remember it and just relax instead. it faded away p fast and what fragments i have i can’t fine words for. my mom and dad were in it and we were trying to do something. live action. different rooms. bong joon ho. yeah. the color tan. a girl with braids. both dreams are melting together.


more fragments: synchronized swimming competition. girl with blonde pixie cut looked like she was walking on water. i eas waist deep in the water near her. group of girls group of guys. switched between underwater on land. i was in separate house hiding because i already knew my plan and they were out in the open shanley and chris from atyi where there. huddled in group. white flower with super thick almost pillowy petals and a yellow center but not a daisy. wider petals. i touch it and it’s silky and has a bit of give to it. i loved that flower.


10:43 thats wll im gonna bother remembering. finish typing dream

(10:28 i texted back sam ace spencer michael and ace and kon groupchat. ace sent me danganronpa, the groupchat sent screenshots of british people defending incest, michael offered me to come hang out with the other vaccinated people, sam sent me a tweet, spencer offered me to watch tv with alex today and also was imagining them having a car by the time i visit omaha


i text ace that i love korekiyo, text groupchat a keysmash, text michael i can’t go cuz im having dinner with parents, text sam keysmash, text spencer that i cant watch tv today but it is exciting to think abt me visitng omaha


10:31 i chefk insta. ace sent me a post to show me that peoplr were standing up to the kkk in huntington beach. kon sent komahina art to the danganronpa groupchat. )


10:48 finish typing

10:49 spencer sent me a meme from youtube. i screenrecord

10:50 i post to mentos and text spencer thanj you

10:52 i realise i didnt make a new note for today so i copy paste this into a new note

10:53 check mail jwest sent link to a hito steyerl talk at noon. i text it to sam even tho i know he’s probably drunk and high as shit. i sit up in bed

10:54 i check instagram. i see patrisse cullors posted something abt people attacking her. i google what it’s about and see that she bought a home. i don’t have enough background or anything to comment so i am not forming an opinion

11:12 i google more about the royal family being incest. amazing stuff.

11:19 scroll through beabadoobee instagram after seeing a post on caroline’s necklace account. got a spam call hung up

11:20 sam asks me to see if i can record or if there will be a recording of the hito steyerl lecture ill say ill try and see. spencer texts me abt the word straggot. we love the word

11:21 i complete the rudy falagan get out of bed challenge and finally stand up. i make my bed

11:22 i look at my body in the mirror. fat bur T is helping me lose weight again !!! when i can work out again it is OVER

11:23 i put on slippers go to the bathroom

change slippers sit down pee

11:24 i get up wipe flush wash hands brush teeth. i look in the mirror. fat again

11:26 i finish. my floss yesterday tore and i think i cut my gum cuz there’s blood. my teeth r so yellow because they can’t polish them at the dentist yet cuz of covid. i hate my smile. i wash my face and head out change slippers

11:27 i check my bread dough it is ready ! i turn on the oven. i go and wipe down the counter with water cuz i dont want cleaner to get on the dough

11:28 i srinkle flour and move the dough to the counter. i shape the loaf

11:29 i finish and look for the big pot i use as a dutch oven. i find it and i cut parchment paper for the bottom. i need to buy mkre parchment paper running out

11:30 i weigh down the paper with flour. i leave the dough to rest and go back to my room

11:31 in room change slippers at dresser atopped to type.

11:36 finish typing face oil time

11:37 i put on boxers and look in the mirror. fat. my mini belly juts out a bit. it always has a bump below my belly button because of my big ribcage. i hate my belly

11:38 augustina texts me and i go to check. mimi texted me earlier and i have to read that too

11:46 i throw away the paper towels and put the cleaner away. it looks like someone threw up or something in the trash that was already full. i want to cry. if ur gonna throw something like that away then take out the fucking trash !!!!!!

11:47 mimi walks in

11:49 i go to my romm get water glass from desk go outside get water

11:50 i sit down at the table. mimi tells me about a drive-in theater ( musical ) that is happening at the gamble house. i say im diwn as she tries to find the ticketa

11:52 mimi gets water and i check my dough. it looks good. i realize my artist talk is soon and i excuse myself and go to my room take off slippers

11:53 i look at my body more. fat

11:54 i unplug and turn off my old laptop from charging cuz it didnt fully turn off. i plug in my current laptop and turn it back on. im gonna video edit while hito steyerl has her lecture

11:55 i checm instagram

11:56 i put a blanket on my desk chair and grab a jacket and sit down. this is bo’s favorite blanket and it smells like him. i mjss him

11:57 i compulsively say Cute four times out loud before i stop myself

11:59 i reorganize my screen to be able to screen record.

12:00 it starts and the woman says it will be available in a few weeks but im gonna record it for sam anyways so he has it when he gets back. and if the audio is corrupt then its ok

12:03 hito starts talking. i send a pic to sam

12:05 she shows a clip from this is the future. i love that piece. im supposed to edit but im gonna just pay attention i think. she’s an incredibly important artist to me.

12:08 she used a next frame prediction algorithm that distinguishes certain characteristics and it predicts the nect fram and is able to look 0.04 seconds into the future. the network is prolonging the past into the database

12:09 her thinking is so beautiful. she speaks about how the past invades the future and colonizes it. the present is the stabalized compared to the future

12:10 time colonization happens is the past is used to predict the future

12:11 i text sam abt the talk. i want hito steyerl and ag cook to collab

12:12 i go out fast put on slippers put bread into over

12:13 back take off slippers. didn’t miss much she’s showing another clip

12:14 she says that the process of producing this time-consuming imagery is already a process of growing images - it is not the only the only thing she was unconsciously growing, but she created a latent space as well

12:15 at 12:32 i go take the lid off my bread. i want to do other things but i want to focus so im just sitting here watching. she shows us a video of a pile of most composted horse manure. in the foreground is the horse. we will see the horse up soon as he comes to the camera becausd he is a good bot

12:16 she talks about a situation where she realized one of the galleries she was working with was performing tax evasion, so she took the money instead and worked with a community garden

12:20 got distracted went on insta. i have t pay attention. she shows a work where she trained a neural network to grow her own probability space based on flowers from the community garden that she exhibited.

12:21 she shows a probability space of iris that refers to iris dataset founded by ronald fisher

12:25 i get distracted trying to find jwest’s number to say thank you. hito talks about how the iris dataset is about how to delineate desirable traits in support of eugenics programs.

12:26 she talks about how the more she plants in the garden project with her probability spaces the more she overwrites this dataset

12:28 she talks about how gardens grow their own spaces and communities with autonomy and food independence

12:29 she talks about how right now she needs to find new resources of revenue and is making a blockchain of different artworlds

12:32 ru. to tak lid lff por no dlippers back to room. at 1:12 i cook it right on the rack

12:34 she shows us a simulation about a modern version of dancing mania like from centuries ago

12:35 we watch the mania infect everyone. this is amazing when thinking about the mania infecting my sims.

12:36 she brings rhe dancing mania to full effect. it glitched everywhere. it’s beautiful

12:38 it talks about how ideologies speads as pandemonium for racism, conspiracies, fandom. i think of it as a parallel to ocd and contamination fears

12:41 i want to work with my group therapy friends once im done with program or psychology friends

12:42 hito steyerl talks about the nft mania. im really interested because of her previous stances about jpegs

12:43 she calls it a blockchain magic spell. she says it’s bullshit. i agree. she says you conjure up something as a commodity and as your private property

rhe blockchain is a land registry that exists as an archive and people fight to defend it. it derives its power from the belief of people participating.

12:44 she talks about what it must have felt like for someone to realize land is a property. she talks about the idea of the internet being owned. she says in the nft magic age as now a way of controlling memes as commodities in their own right

12:45 the blockchain is some kind of generative fiction.

12:46 her first response to this would be her squatting action where she minted the whole royal college of art of london as an nft but didn’t put it in the market. she is going to hand it to the students in exchange for a larp where they turn the institution into a co-op

12:47 it’s for the students who have gone into a fee strike

12:48 text ace and kon on insta

12:49 she shows us a video of an unprepared man talking about cheese coin. it’s a potential project. her dtrategies are squatting the blockchain and composting the blockchain

12:50 she doesn’t think either of these strategies wirk with a place like mit, where the talk is being held. she talks about how either her father or grandfather went to mit i couldnt remember

12:51 i check insta. she talks about jeffrey epsteins donations, i thinkshe’s still talking about mit ?

12:52 she shows us the second page of a questionnaire sent to workers in a factory.

12:54 start paintinf my other nails. the questionnaire was abt what people could make in the factories besides what they were making which was for the military

12:55 she asks what else artists can do with the vast knowhow that doesnt contribute to darker subjects

12:56 she uses a language model to create her own answers to the questionnaire

12:58 she wants tk create a museum thag is an alternative to the military industrial art complex 

1:00 i start paintinf mt nails as we get to q&a

1:08 i run to check on my bread i forgot i have to use both hands to grab. back i just creaked the oven door open instead.

1:22 she answered my question !!! honored. she talks abt the meme economy. love her. the meme is a social outcast and the nft is a social climber. so happy

1:23 i text sam and jwest abt how she answered my question

1:28 i finish my nails. once they dry i file down the other side

1:29 text cameron on insta

1:31 my nails are pretty dry. epic. i check my mail

1:34 the talk ends. i want to talk with her about my art one day. we have similar brains

1:35 shooting pain down my neck. hurts. time to work on thesis

1:37 fix workspace connect bluetooth mouse. open netflix gonna keep having sherlock play in the bg

2:11 been wofking. gonna go eat bread

2:12 i go out put on slippers move it to a cutting board and cut q slice. i forgot to cut the top so its gummt but i loce that texture so idc. mimi is out there eating and she tells me that she’s finished her painting and is gonna clean the common area. i say epic and i go and pick up the few things i hqve in there ans put them in my tattoo box that’s out there

2:25~ i finish eating and wrap up the bread and goat cheese in plastic wrap. the trash is overflowing and so i put the old pastic for the goat cheese with the hardened bread my mom got me to the side so i can throw it away later. i ask mimi if she or milner could take out the trash because i’m still working on touching the trash can and she says she will when she finishes cleaning i say ok. i go and wash my knives

2:30 had to explain to mimi that a garbage disposal is not for throwing away big things of food like bread edges but rather for small things like stuff u cant get off your plate. i’m speechless anyways back in my room took off slippers on my bed. dislike my nails now but its ok

2:52 was on insta and textinf jwest abt the talk. i check mail nothing new. might nap. ace jisy tected me

2:53 check it was danganronpa. nice. back on insta. i just realized i forgot obey me boost at noon. fuck

3:06 i play wordscapes. i might masturbate. T is insane in how pent up it makes u. teenage cis boy r rlly going thru

3:11 i join malessoul’s live. so tired.

3:12 i go to play my new unlock game app

3:17 i close my door and text back ace abt a danganronpa tiktok

3:18 i take off my boxers and look at my body hair. i havent been able to shave cuz ocd so i’m slowly getting use to my hair. unsure if i like it and ill probably shave soon cuz i like not having any hair on my body lmao. i like feeling smooth and like a doll

3:36 i text sam more abt the talk. was on insta and sending a lot of anime edits to ace and augustina

3:49 i masturbated

4:04 went on twitter screenshotted tweets post to mentos text sam more scroll on insta. i need to lose weight so bad.

4:14 check email send one back to emily explaining what partial hospitalization is right now due to telehealth

4:15 i put back on my boxers and sanitize my hands and turn on my fan

4:16 i go outside bring water glass put on slippers. mimi has moved all the furniure and is laying down on the chairs that have been moved into the entryway. i ask if i can walk and she says yeah it should be dry. i go to the fridge get milk

4:17 mimi talks abt how she cleaned everything. i say it looks great. she asks how my work is i say give me two hours

4:19 back in room sit down at desk. turn fan down a notch. edit time

4:20 earlier i forgot to write down but i did take my pills ! ok edit time


7:14 FINISHEDDDDDDD WOOOOOOOOO !!!!! WOOOOOOOOOO !!!

7:15 check texts

7:23 sorry so hyped. in living room now. i texted back ace and augustina and told them the good news abt my thesis. i text mimi and she came to my door and asked if i was ready. i say yes. i go outside put on slippers take water glass


i get water and drink. mimi shows me how clean the living room is. i am very impressed. i walk barefoot for a bit and take my water to the red chair. i realize i want my charger so i get up and go to my room and get charger i come back out put on slippers.


mimi asks me to pull up a drinking game as i go sit on the red chair. i say yes and i choose the second one i pull up. mimi makes us drinks. we plan on taking shots. very fun.


7:30 mimi sits down and pulls up the roku. we talk about what to order for food. she wants shake shack and i say sure. i catch up on obey me while she orders.


7:42 mimi is trying to order on postmates but they keep cancelling our order even tho its open. Julián texts me that he got his first shot

7:44 it gets confirmed. mimi goes down fhe hall to pee. ive been on instagram

7:45 i get up to pee. i go to the bathroom change slippers sit down oee

7:46 i make memes on mematic for mentos

7:50 i get up wipe flush wash hands

7:51 i go outside mimi is back. she’s on the beige couch. she laughs at the drinking rules i sent her. i get my water glass from my chair in the living room and go back to the kitchen and get more water

7:52 i sit back down and type out the past few minutes. mimi starts the movie and reads out the ooening paragraphs. it’s tradition

7:54 movie begins lmao ok bye gonna look at drjnkung rules. im paying attention to star wars


8:30~ i google to confirm that frank oz is yoda


9:01 mimi and i had a rlly good convo. it was abt like haircuts and stereotyping for queer people and lesbian relationships and then going into her dream of being a roadie and the very cishet gender roles fhat exist in that industry, her worries about being a fetish and stuff lkke that. it ends with us being excited abt maybe pride happening this year. im uncertain as to if ill go but i want to be open to the idea if the vaccination rate is high enough.


9:00 food arrives mkmi gets it n goes pee.

9:04 mimi comes back down the hall from peeing and hands our the food. fonna eat. she gors fo get catsup

9:05 start again. eating

9:16 finish eating

9:21 i go to the kitchen and get my cake barefoot then come back and eat it

9:25 i bring my water glass to the kitchen barefoot and get mkre water

9:29 email emily back. next saturday 11am we meet to talk

9:33 i go barefoot get my weed pen from my room come back. mimi shows me that her feet r still dirty from the floor. its ok. we start playing again


9:35 mimi goes to turn the volume up. i take hits from my pen. i feel AMAZING


10:17 HAYDEN CHRISTIANSEN IS A HE HIM LESBIAN


11:17 watcginf matrix. i wan keanu reeves sk bad. do. fndnjdnf sk drunk so drunk


11:47 WENT TO SAMS DJ SET WOOOOO. SO CROSSED LIFE IS GOOD. HAPPY TO BELIEVE. HAPPY TO BE ALIVE. I AM I. LOVE WITH LOVE. I WANT TO LOVE. I WANT TO BELIEVE I CAN LOVE. ENDORPHINS GOINNG. HEART RACE GOUNF. I AM MORE ALIVETGWN I HAVE BEEN IN AGES. WOOOOOOOOO. THIS IS WAS LIVING FEELS LIKE. I COULD DIE RN