7:37 wake up. so sorry just felt out of it last night and didn’t want to type. letting myself have moments. doing this + therapy is absolutely exhausting. woke up early cuz i went to bed at 11

7:50 i had a dream but its gone. check insta check mail check texts. ace and kon r talking abt pegging armin n they r making very very good points.

8:00 play wordscapes gonna get uo

8:01 i get up make my bed

8:02 get dressed

8:03 put on slippers head out

8:04 goes to bathroom changes slippers sit down

8:05 #1 and 2

8:06 get up wipe flush wash hands brush teeth

8:07 finish wash face

8:08 walk outside change slippers. gonna make breakfast

8:15 finish and eat. i made omelette with parm cheese and put it on toast with spring mix. delicious

8:20 finish was dishws. tjink abt a meme sbout dirty dishes and i gag

8:26 come back to room pick up clothes a bit. put on face oil. three urges

8:28 move laptop to desk sit down type

8:29 open laptop fill out check in form

8:38 leave group. realized i forgot to write down check in yesterday but i’l ldo that after this

checkin:

hw last night i did exposures but nainly BA’s

i didn’t paint cuz i ended up drawing on ipad ! got super exhaust4ed after all of them though

ideas today are finish trials, keep eating from dishes, and apply for an internships

depression1 ln 2

avoidance 2 ln 3

rumination 3 ln 2

self harm 0 ln 0

homicidal 0 ln 0

eaat dinner yes

brush teeht yes

shower no last time sunday

breakfast yes

slept 8 hrs

suicidal ideath 1 ln 1

anxiety 1 ln 1

8:40 go back to fill out check in and check out yesterday

8:44 finish. go to mail and check out daily assignment lists

8:45 nothing has changed. meeting time is 10:00 not 9:20 so i can get started and get going. i screenshot the comic she sent me so i can post to mentos because its really pure

8:46 get up go unplug air freshener ( i plugged it in when getting my laptop and forgot to write that down )


8:47 exit room put on slippers adjust pants urge. gonna start with fridge

8:48 catch up on obey me

8:49 fridge

8:53 finish 1 1 1. six urges. hands tingly

8:56 was on instagram. microwave. two urges. lots of urges today to sanirize but manageablev

9:00 finish. 3 2 1. four urges. wendy came out from her room. she had a telehealth appointment for her stomqch hurting and the doctor told her to stop drinking alcohol and caffeine. she is sad. she puts something in the toaster i didn’t see

9:02 check insta. wendy’s toaster finishes

9:03 dish

9:06 finish 1 1 1. six urges. i see wendy made toast and i ask if she’s eating carbs because she’s been no carb for a while. wendy tells me abt how the doctor wants her to eat toast and non fried food for a while. she seems sad. she says she hates plain toast. she puts butter on jt

9:07 wendy starts eating. i feel the egg at the back of my throat

9:08 i go to my room grab water glass from my desk go fill it at my fridge. urge. sit down and drink it to help with egg feeling. i want to throw up

9:11 sam comes out of his room goes to the bathroom. he wishes us a happy ramadan. cant do bathroom exposures now so back to fridge

9:15 finish 1 0 0. two urges when i grab my phone but none during habituation ! still feel egg in my throat. i hear sam shower

9:16 i check instagram. it’s 4/13. i post to my story and text gia. mama sent my brother and i a photo of bo. my dad is back in the office so bo is curled up next to her while she works. its so cute

9:18 dish

9:21 finish 1 0 0 two urges. wendy went to her room but came back to grab something from her fridge then went back. i hear sam finish showering

9:24 wendy comes out to make more bread. microwave time

9:28 finish 3 2 2. nine urges. sam exits bathroom and asks when the pass no pass deadline is. i say april 30 but to check cuz i mifht be wrong. wendys toast finishes

9:29 wendy comes out to get her toast. she asks if i presented yesterday and how it went. i talked to her abt it.

9:30 she goes back into her room. im gonna do dryer then shower

9:31 dryer

9:34 finish 3 2 2. two urges. check myself in mirror feel less fat that i do yesterday

9:35 screen record a video gonna set it to music for mentos

9:36 text mimi and sam. apparently there was super loud noises cuz birds were fighting outside. i slept thru all of it

9:37 shower

9:41 finish 7 6. want to cry so bad. it was wet from sam’s shower. i hate it i hats it i hate it

9:42 pur on my slippers finally. had urges to do that bht then it was pure panic lmao

9:44 check insta. still freaking out. exit bathroom. hadnt changed slippers so i used my living area slippers the whole time

9:45 dish

9:48 finish 1 0 0. two urges. gonna do break then one more dryer then go update exposures

9:49 check insta. so cold.

9:51 one more dryer. cross thru bathroom don’t change slippers

9:55 finish 2 1 3. six urges. moved to kitchen sat down at table. gonna go back to room but get watwr first

9:56 get water from my fridge go back to my room take off slippers take my morning risperdal. put on sweatshirt

9:57 sanitize hands. feels so much cslmer. i finish my water and pur vaseline on my lips

10:03 finish logging exposurea join meeting

10:07 leave meetinf. just updated megan abt my night and also abt exposures. doing ok just shower is exhausting. gonna go do one more tho

10:15 im on insta i sent a reigen meme tk ace. walk back to bathroom dont change slippers

10:16 shower

10:19 finish 6 6. want to cry. want to cry so bad.

10:20 put on slippers leave bathroom

10:22 screenrecord a video for mentos. gonna do fridge

10:23 fridge

10:26 finish 2 1 0. two urges and one when i finish. i got distracted and checked for when my meeting time next is but i pilled myself back into habituation. my next meeting is at 1

10:27 urge

10:29 microwave

10:33 finish 2 1 3. five urges got distracted n started cleaning counters and toaster. three urges when done. sitting at kitchen counter now

10:36 check insta. walk thru bathroom to dryer start dryer

10:39 finish 2 1 1. four urges total.

10:40 check mail nothing new. check messages nothing new. i look at the photo of bo my mom sent me. i miss him so much. seeing him every weekend isnt enough

10:42 shower

10:46 got distracted fuck. 6.5 6 before i forgot i was habituating. not counting the last minute cuz i completely avoided it. i checked slack and looked at the drawinf of tommy i did. excited to check out traveler

10:47 texting cam abt me coming to visit this week. we might get brunch on sunday

10:50 one more shower. lets be done with it soon hopefully

10:53 6 6.5 i want to run to sanitize my feet rn not even urge just feels like constant yelling in my head. just constant. i might go do it. cant focus

10:57 i went to my room took off slippers sanitized feet twice put on slippers took sanitize outside used wet paper towel washed feet dried them then sanitized again then washed my hands ritual count of ten then sanitized hands.

10:58 sanitize hands. gonna wait till 11 then do dish. working on calming down

11:00 dish

11:03 2 1 0. i go and sit on the grey couch in the living room

11:07 change mentos pfp to reigen on insta. gonna do microwave

11:09 bacon sent me an ouran tiktok. i want kyoya so bad. my hands feel tight and dry from sanitizing. ahhhhh

11:10 microwave but text bacon back first

11:14 finished 2 1 0. got distracted n washed my coffee mug from yesterday n check instagram. five urges to sanitize

11:17 screenrecorded n posted a meme to insta on mentos. fridge time

11:20 finish 1 1 0. checked insta at end. 3 urges but two happened as i started typing so only one during

11:22 i post photos of reigen to mentos. shower is rlly draining me today

11:23 gonna do last shower and dryer

11:27 finish 5.5 5 four urges and two as i finish. i go to room take off slippers sanitize hands

11:28 sit down do makeup

11:54 dfinish. no contacts today too tired

11:55 close my door. mama text the family group chat

11:56 shes texting cus she learned theres a photo of me on craft contemporary’s website. i reply and say yes i knew

11:57 text justine abt photoshoot we r gonna find cool places in griffith park to shoot

11:58 log down exposures

12:00 join group. wait in waiting room to be admitted

12:05 we are doing intros in group. they ask who my favorite artist is and i have to say ag cook. no one knows who he is.

12:06 renzel texts me photos of the projector space. i text her thank u. love her sm

1:01 exit group. try and sign up for senior scrambleg et error text jack. join meeting wiht megan

1:13 exit meeting with megan. changing exposures from dishware to sink faucet and fridge to trashcan lid


1:16 text slack more

1:18 check insta go on jacob sartorius’ live

1:20 put on slippers cross kitchen bathroom go to laundry room dryer

1:24 finish 2 1 3 five urges. one more. checked insta at the end closed dryer closed shower went to sit on grey couch to habituate. i want chicken nuggets

1:27 dish

1:30 1 0 0. back on grey couch checked instagram at the end

1:31 mimi comes into kitchen. qsks if i was making rice. i say no qnd she says she unplugged someone’s rice right now. i get up and look. the rice looks done so we think it’s ok.

1:33 microwave. mimi says she isnt sure when but we Will finish the matrix trilogy. i say epic

1:37 finish 4 2 3. three urges. on instagram.

1:38 mimi asks if sam is in the bathroom i say no. she says cool cuz she has laundry to do

1:40 fridge ! last one !!

1:43 finish. 1 0 0. gonna do retrqinocd

1:53 finish. gonnq chqnge words

1:54 i change laptop to sink, creature to soggy, and technology to ipad.

1:55 i get up from grey couch and go to room and take off slippers. four urges to sanitize feet. i need to pixk up my room

1:56 sit at laptop update exposures

1:57 update. now to track ban

2:01 enter checkout goup. amelia did her eyeliner. egirl

2:07 leave checkout group

check out:

today i worked on exposures and retrain ocd

i did make progresss - moving on up with exposures

depression 2

avoidance 2

rumination 1

self harm 0

homicidal 0

for hw im gonna do more exposures and bas

sanitize ban resist 89 submit 8

suicidal ideation 0

anxiety 1


2:09 i say compulsively that iw ant to kill myself. gonna go eat


2:12 i put on slippers walk outside grab a rice bowl my mom got me and follow the instructions

2:13 i put it in the microwave no protective layer of paper towl on top nor bottom. i wait for it to cook

2:15 start eating

2:20~ finish but stay on phone. on insta

2:30~clean up

2:38 go to vathroom change slippers pee wipe flush wash hands

2:40 change slippers exit bathroom. go to my room take off slippers organize room

2:51 finish. i get on my bed start obey me

3:01 catch up on obey me. i go to texts

3:03 mama sent a photo of bo. he messed with the toilet paper in Julián’s and my bathroom. he looks so guilty. sam texted asking if i had a photo of him at the 2019 symposium. i check and i dont. kon texts to say that their covid test is negative and ace and i celebrate

3:07 i catch up on typing

3:12 i check my mail and text kon abt eren jaegar. i pick at my nail polish

3:25 playing wordscapes. i fart

( not sure timeline here but basically i first began by editing my resume and going through the notes my dad sent me and then i was printing out a qr code and trying to get my printer to connect for a solid fifteen minutes )

4:57 testing qr code under different sheets of plastic to make sure it scans

5:00 join class

got distracted started looking at picture frames for thesis

5:32 place order for pickup at target

5:45~ end class i go straight to working on internships

6:24 order ready

6:30 sorry got sucked into applying for internships. texted ace and kon abt eren jaegar a lot

7:pm join call for senior scramble project

8:20~ end ( it’s secret !!!!!! ). i go drive to target with sam to pick up the photo frames

8:35~ we arrive

8:38 i pick up my photo frames. theyre perfect. i go shopping with sam and we buy a lot of party things for wendy as a gift. we also get her a girlboss book that we keep secret. we go shopping for a while

9:15~ on our way back. we talk abt the party and abt jack coming to visit. we r both so excited to meet him

9:30~ back home. show wendy our stuff

9:37 she texts the groupchat. jack comments about the ketchup packets. i say he better be ready

10:00~ we’ve all just been chatting. sam is making grimes’ vegan sludge.  we facetime jack. at first its abt him not following me but then he says he did and it was five minutes ago after wendy texted him abt it. fake friend. we go on a quest to watch sam make his sludge. i make ace kon and i in picrew

10:04 i send it to them. we all share the versions we’ve made for each other. it’s super fun. wendy and i talk about our bad body image and disordered eating lmao

10:06 ace asks for me to proofread for them later for their ma application and i say yes of course

10:30?~ we hang up with jack dont remember. i send out more internship applications. applied for all communications internships today. i talk with mimi about what seapunk is and we look at results on google.

10:24 cam sends me a tiktok

10:35~ sam finishes his grimes sludge. he sets it down to eat. i try it and mimi comes in and tries it. its pretty good. sam takes a bit posting a screenrecorded bit of her talking abt the sludge to his story

10:40~ i help mimi come up with outfits and i come up with my own. wendy shows us her seapunk outfit. it’s epic. i cook my last two scallion pancakes and eat them with a spicy sauce then wash all the dishes.

11:00~ i go to my room and start drawing on the ipad

11:47 go on insta. post the picrews we all made to ask who’s the most accurate in their portrayal of me

11:50 i respond to cam’s tiktok

11:59 go text sone abt nat’s birthday