7:39 woke up. realize i forgot to write down yesterday. we drank, walked to get weed, smoked, went into the pool, came out, ordered pizza, and watched sex and rhe city. dom went downstairs so irs jist cam and i in their bed and cam is in the middle so im curled up on the side

7:42 i check fitbit but it didnt track my   sleeep. apparently my resting heart rate all week is 86. not concerned jusy curious cuz i had never checked the average

8:51 wake up again. eyes dry but contacts stayed in. dreamt about stop motion animation x bojack horseman burnim getting lamictal side effects now n trouble remembering

8:53 i go to the bathroom #1 and 2. i wash my hands and go downstairs. dom woke up and cam is still asleep. bacon is stirring on the couch. i get some water from a new mugs

8:54 dom comes back from calebs room she had louie with her. i go sit down at the couches. talk abt what to do when everyoen wakes ul

9:00~ cam wakes up and comes downstairs

9:13 i remember i have some meds with me so i take my risperdal at least.

9:30 we plan on taking louie to the dog park. dom tells a story abt a cat that came into her house and pooped on her carpet

10:07 arrive at dog park. a dog says hi to me. i take a video of louie and send to augustina. 9% battery might not type much

10:17 move to little dog park

10:55 back at doms place. gonna head out. bacon and dom are gonna watch part 5 im excited.

11:01 in car headinf home


8:18 i took a break today from typing. ive just been cuddling with bo all day. i drove to art supply warehouse and got oil paint. it was 100 dollars. i have two hundred for the month now so i need to just buy groceries somehow and practice cooking because now i Really can barely afford postmates.


the cashier asked for my instagram and i gave it to them. idk man. i dont really care anymore


parents came home at like five or six watched ucla vs gonzaga or however u spell. good game


working on sims. decided to try and apply to getty internships so i can get more experience.


i am massively suicidal. like really really bad. really bad. choking intrusive thoughts. feel alone. internships stressing me out. school stressing me out. exam on monday just remembered.


i just want to focus on getting better but i can’t i have to do everything else still i cant take a break. im doinf 35hrs a week of therapy + hw combo, and also staying updated on all my classes. and im just trying to learn how to shower and cook again.


trying not to cry my mom just handed me my new insurance card for my car.


a few tears fell but i hid them i made sure to cry pretty. she didnt notice


8:29 was crying more but wiped them away and stopped when my mom came back. i might go up to my room to cry more. i dont want to scare her


8:53 texting augustina abt pokemon. feel a bit better. happy to have a friend to talk to. gotta stop being a straggot

9:02 texted about smash more. she wants me to be a competitive pokemon player. my pokemon knowledge is about. seven pokemon. thats all ive got. but she believes in me LMAO. we didnt watch rwby this week but i bet she’s got stuff going on and its no biggie at all. everyone’s got lives to live and i’ve had stuff to do too

9:04 back to the sims


10:34 im so suicidal what rhe fuck. nothing feels worth living. is this from the drugs ? all i did was smoke a little weed. i havent smoked in a while so maybe ??????? the alcohol for sure no