12:02 finish sanding down my gesso ! mimi comes over and we talk about the process. she leaves to go to bed. i fart while i type this down

12:03 mimi said she has a drop cloth i can borrow. i decide to use that instead of my plastic bag contraption i made earlier

12:04 i rinse off my gesso brush urge. i leave the gessoed canvas out in the living area for now. tomorrow ill fugure out where to paint

12:05 i get more water urge. turn off the lights

12:06 enter my room take off slippers oganize it a bit. mimi and milner are chatting in milner’s room about names

12:08 i go sanitize

12:09 face oil and meds

12:11 i finish my water and go put on my fitbit. i plug my phone in to charge and get in bed

12:28 i fixed something in yesterday’s note and i fix my phone cuz it wasnt charging

12:29 i had taken off my phone case to troubleshoot my charger but then it scares me so i put the case back on. technology is still capable of killing me i guess. four urges

12:30 i realize jamie texted me a while ago snf i never responded. i check my texts. she got a text from someone asking what anime a girl was from. it was a sticker on their fave taco stand. it’s toga from bnha and i text that to jamie

12:32 set alarms. urge. gonna play ace back in word hunt from sunday snd sleep. maybe masturbate. i deserve it. long day today got a lot done. wait i need to update wxposures

12:38 i update and also tally my bans so i dont have to scroll through everything tomorrow. three new urges as i type this out

12:39 goodnight

12:45 i read a dirty comic and came but it didn’t make me actually feel anything. what a waste. goodnight



7:50 gm

has a dream about race cars and asidas stripes. foll thdm in losr frosting

memory fading bsd.   i was working on my car wjth a girl. cant remember if we raced


8;12 its gone now.

8:13 check figbit. slept 6hr 40min. dont wanna get out of bed

8:19 finish checking obey me

8:24 was on insta. get up put on slippers walk to bathroom change slippers sit down pee


8:25 get up wipe seat flush wash hands brush teeth

8:29 wash face. saliva thick today and i gag a lot and cough some up

8:30 i exit the bathroom change slippers i grab my pink water glass. cough up some more in kitchen sink i get water and hold back a gag

8:31 i go to my room take off slippers set my water by my bed and make my bed. i get on my bed plug my phone in and then join group

8:40 exit group

check in:

hw i did exposures and technology. did them all but very tired

depression 1 lm 2

avoidance 2 ln

rumination 2 ln 5

self harm thoughts 0 ln -

homicidal thoughts 0 ln 0

rumination higher than a 4 cuz i used a bowl

eat dinner yes ( late lunch )

brush teeth yes

shower no last time the 1st

breakfast no

slept 6hr 40min and not super well rested

sanitizing ban submit 9 resist 56

suicidal ideation 0 ln 1

anxiety 0 ln 3

8:44 i finish typing and check my mail

8:49 catch up on my emails. sent them out to kevin micol and david. remembered i have meeting witch schelsey this week too. epic sauce

8:50 read a quick article about the NFT market. gonna do retrain ocd


8:52 check insta. retrainocd time


9:02 finish training. phone not charging

9:07 my phone is refusing to charge

9:11 start tech. went to wendys room to get a charger but that one didn’t work either. it’s probably my phone

9:15 finish tech 3 2 3

9:16 i plug in my old phone for now. gonna message apple store cuz it refuses to hard reset. plug it in anyways.

9:18 tried hard resetting again doesnt work

9:19 try googling donsnt help

9:20 text mama

9:21 join meeting

9:30 end meeting it Says that my iphone is 2% charged but just doesn’t have the sign. im gonna let it be and do more technology exposures


9:32 check nytimes email. power off phone for now since it seems to charge while powered off ?

9:33 tech


9:38 finish 3 2 1. looks like my ipad carries over my icloud notes well

9:38 go outside room change slippers. mimi there eating bfast

9;42 dish. finish eating banana

9:45 finish 3 2 3.

9:48 i go check my gesso and sand a bit. mimi says ive inspired her to gesso her canvases. she asks why i dint wear w mask and i say because im only sanding a few inches rn

9:49 fridge

9:52 finish. 4 3 0 YYYYYEEEAHHHHHHHHH. havent gotten so low before or in ages cant remember well

9:57 take meds go get tofu slice wrap in clewn tower plsce weights on it to drynitnout for later. eleven urges this morning overall. gonna do shower

9:58 go into bathroom vhange slippers shower

10;02 finish 3 4 1. OHHH YEAHHHHH

10:03 download obey me to see if i can get data to cross over

10:04 download osu and voez. gonna do osu for augustina. wm time

10:08 finish. 430. doing better ! seems like doing exposures at night while tired helped a lot

10:11 wm

10:15 323. scratch my side

10;16 it wont ket me restart the spp to transfer data to obey me

10:18 try password for gmail doesnt work. fuck.

10:19 shower

10:22 finish 321. gonna try mail again

10:25 i GOT IT i am a genius. wm

10:29 finish 342. 15 min left so maybe three exposures i can cram in ?


10:32 ok changed slippers went to room take off slippers turn back on phone and it DID charge while. off. huh. i have texts. i hear the timer go off on my ipad so i put on slippers grab phone laptop race over. i dont change my slippers but go straight into the bathroom


10:33 shower

10:36 finish 321. go outside


10:38 go to room take off slippers update exposures

10:40 do tech. 421

10:46 finish updating exposures

10:47 join meeting

10:54 leave meeting. gonna finish tech so i get out of my room

10:59 watch a video augustina sent me and text jamie. at 11 gonna start exposures again

11:01 get off insta tech time

11:06 finish 321

11:07 swipe around on random apps. currently on my ipad and i dont have social media installed and i plan on keeping it that way. might draw in between exposures then

11:09 again

11:13 finish 2 2 1. gonna grab sketchbook then go outside

11:14. outside put on slippers urge.

11:16 i eat my tofu before i have a chance to fry it. too hungry. fridge

11:20 finish 320

11:23 was drawing. fridge again

11:27 finish 210. realized my bananas fell down so i went to hang them back up urge. gonna draw more

11:30 one more

11:34 finish. got distracted by drawing but 210

11:37 dish

11:40 finish. 431 mimi comes back from grocery shopping and says hi.

11:41 she puts stuff away in our fridge. we dont talk. too tired

11:42 she sets her fruit down by me. the garlic falls but she puts it back up

11:43 back to room dont grab slippers grab laptop take it out with me

11:44 dish

11:47 finish 324. mimi left while i was habituating. i made the mistake of wiping a crumb off the counter. twelve urges in total

11:48 urge. i want to sanitize so bad. three more

11:49 step away from counter. go to laptop

11:50 fridge

11:53 finish 223 three urges

11:54 back at laptop updating exposures

11:16 start dish

12:00 finish 321


12:01 go to room take everything take off slippers urge. light two candles

12:02 urge join group

12:03 dping intros. new person in group urge

12:05 urge

1211 u

1221u


12:59 leave group

1:01 checked texts and instagram. gonna go outside now

1:02 dish

1:06 finish 321

1:09 ate some chocolate chips. shower. go to bathroom dont change slippers

1:13 finish 2 1 1. got distracted a bit but its ok. paranoid of shower being open so i closed it to focus on habituation

1;14 room take off slippers. blow out candles


1:15 get back on laptop once i go into room take off slippers get on bed. update exposure logs

1:16 join meeting

1:24 finish meeting. hw is to video edit using my monitor and also to practice touching my ipad. i add in putting away clean dishes too. i might back a chocolate cake too !

1:25 check instagram

1:26 obey me

1:30 join meeting with dr wang

1:53 finish. i need to start taking vitamin d and eat healthier. i go on amazon

2:00 i buy white leggings, a bamboo steamer, and vitamin D. it will arrive tomorrow. absolutely terrifying

2:01 join checkout

2:07 leave

today i did exposures and retrain ocd, got all but 3 exposures done. i think i made progress !

depression 0

avoidance 2

rumination 1

self harm 0

homicidal 0

homework is exposures, edit video for thesis, put away dishes, and paint as a BA and maybe bake cake. very excited

sanitize ban resist 26 and submit 2 ( i stg i sanitized but i dont see it written down so i put that down just in case i missed it. i distinctly remember sanitizing twice )

2:13 scratch my underarm

2:14 take ipad to bathroom put on slippers to walk then change slippers to go into bathroom


2:18 finish wm 210. one left one shower left. rebraid my braids

2:19 wipe hair off sink with toilet paper and flush. two urges

2:20 shower

2:23 finish 331. rebraid front braid. one exposure left. reliaze toilet paper wasnt all flushes one fell to the side so i toss it in reflush wash hands eight urges one more as i type this

2:27 wm

2:30 finish 121. YYYYEAHHHH all done. gonna pee brb

2:31 pee wipe wash hands. excited so random words spill out of my mouth. weird feeling


4:31 hey !! ive been painting. at like 4:05 i went and made myself toast and cream cheese and i also ate some chocolate cake and moved it to another smaller tupperware. i forgot i had the cake so im gonna bake something Later. i got the base colors done on my painting and next im gonna let it dry and then start on the skin cuz that’s the fun part. i cleaned up and finished around 4:28 and then i came back and plugged in my air freshener cuz it smells like oil in here, not that i mind. its relaxing but i want to offset it just a little bit


i’ve plugged my monitor into my laptop and its terrifying. it feels like it’s draining my life away from me. i’m going to set a timer soon once i connect my wireless mouse and then ill start in premiere


i think im going to try and focus on getting the videos done before i move on to doing aftereffects or my final for surveillance class just since install is next week and idk how long these will take. i also like one project at a time rn and im trying to keep it that way. four urges in total


4:36 finish typing that. i go to link my mouse but it needs a battery. i go outside put on slippers cant find. mimi comes out of her bathroom and we look. i find them moved to a tiny box on top of the white cube / box organizers. i grab one.

4:38 in room take off slippers urge. mimi says outside that she’s going to the village. it’s the one place where she can walk and study outside even if she hates the village. she sets off and i say bye


4:41 i connect my mouse and use my tiny acrylic pad as a mousepad for now. mimi brings me a package. it’s my graduation gown

4:42 she leaves and i try it on. it’s so big on me but I think that’s the point. the hat is funny.

4:43 back to laptop

4:46 i check my text. renzel sent a vers of the logo and it’s based as hell and i tell her so. i read through her and cameron’s updates on the website and design. they’re both so cool i love them sm

4:50 open premiere. gonna get everything

4:53 its set up. ok gonna set timer. i see wendy sent info on tonight’s zoom meeting

4:55 zoned out. i checked my mail i think. was thinking of ways to create qr codes. ok

5:07 i restart the 20min cuz i got distracted and am trying to figure out a font

5:48 im gonna stop at six. i finally have my rhythm and i want to remember it now that i’ve solved my issues


5:54 stop editing. big urge. i sanitize. i step away from my laptop.

at 5:50 i tried exporting the hour length footage i had done and it only took like five minutes so that’s a good sign for the future video export. im now sitting on the ground away from my laptop. tech break needed. set alarm for 7

5:56 go outside put on slipper. mimi is out in the kitchen and i talk to her about being tired from technology. we talk about rendering times for premiere compared to other programs

5:58 she wonders if she should make dinner since it’s not that late. i say maybe. she tells me she had grapes to eat at 2. she’s gonna unload the dishwasher. i tell her that i’m unloading the clean dishes by the sink so don’t worry abt those and she says thank you

6:00 i go to living room get blanket and curl up on beige couch. mimi comments that they didn’t take the recycling yesterday. shit. it’s gonna be the same struggle we had a few weeks ago again

6:01 mimi asks me if i have ever looked at a painting and hated it after a while and i say yes and i have to hide it and not look at it for a Long time to counter that

6:02 mimi talks to me about her final. she’s painting the app icons as figured in a satanic ritual while a phone in the middle has cartoon arms and is burning an american flag. the statue of liberty is in the bg writing a motivational quote in the sky. i am so fucking excited to see this painting when it’s done


mimi is worried people will get offended by the fact that she thinks social media is ruining this country and i tell her don’t worry. for something like this, where she’s just stating she doesn’t like social media, there is no need for someone to be offended since it doesn’t affect them tbh. also i think people will just find the painting hilarious. i cannot wait to see it i stg

6:09 been chatting with mimi more. she talks abt the project she did last semester that i didnt see. she says she’ll find the link for me. i type down our convo

6:13 she texts it to me and then continues unloading the dishwasher. i think she finished and is loading the empty dishes in now

6:14 i look at her video

6:21 i finish. i liked it

6:23 i talk to mimi about the video. she had to orchestrate it all from zoom while someone moved it on campus. her sound designed bailed on her. i ask who moved the stuff and she said the electrician guy is the on that moved everything but he’s kind of a pain in the ass but it turned out ok. the video is p cool i do like it.

6:24 mimi starts making dinner. i text ace and kon about danganronpa and death note and then go on obey me

6:29 catch up on obey me. mimi announces that she’s making mac and cheese. it smells good. too tired to use stove maybe make nuggets ill see. half hour til zoom meeting and have to use laptop again

6:42 watch video from a freshman on instagram and message them. i liked the video n i want them to know that !!!

6:49 was on insta again. check email. zoning out so sorry. brain tired from premiere and i need to touch ipad more too. and put away dishes. spent too much time on premiere. i need to go to ikea or target.


8:29 left meeting making soup dumplings outside with mimi


9:59 watching one more ep of drive to survive


11:59 im sorry i didnt update tonight. just exhausted from video editing. wasnt thinking. at 10~ i made scallion pancakes i snacked on dough while we watched then once we finished i fried one and put the others in the fridge. tired.


washing dishes was a lot. so much. did hand rituak wasnt stopping milner came in asked to fill water bottle i say water super hot. they wait for me. i force myself out of ritual. scared.


they ask how my day is i just say tired. i am so tired. how am i gonna do three more days. i need to video edit. i cant do mini exposure therapies i need to get it done this week. i have to figure that out


i brush teeth pee put on testosterone it looks like T is helping out my bacne. miracle. idk why but it helps out my oil production insgeas of hurting it.


sanitized three times now in bed. phone charging again. weird day. so tired. tired. need to track bans and i was gonna upload to website but exhausted. thatll be a weekend thing