10:53 i wake up and check messages. augustina knows nothing about star wars. i check instagram

10:57 i put down my phone

2:06 i wake up for real. i check instagram and post to mentos

2:09 i check my mail. just spam

2:10 i check messages and text back spencer. they are watching forged in fire with their mom qnd once the episode ends we can watch hetalia. i text them about the show

2:11 kon sends photos of armin and is thirsting. i join in. i also text back augustina

2:15 i google photos of darth maul and text spencer about the show more

2:23 mimi texts us that we have bugs again. i want to cry

2:24 wendy is back and walks in from the hallway and says hello. she is unpacking. i sit up and type out my morning

2:27 i try and remember my dream. it was me and jing and a guy who ive never met. there was an alien who’s face was zipped into another creature. there was a baseball game ? we were trying to catch the alien in the act. there was a fluffy white dog looking this and we had different tasks for different parts of it. on its neck we had to scratch multiple times. it glowed teal in that area when we finished the tasks. we wore color plastic gloves and had to pet it and it would bite at us and our job was to take care of it. the guy and i would kiss while working and we would have to take breaks to try and finish the tasks. we had gotten dark pink done somehow and it bit at us and tore our light pink gloves and we lost. we lose sight of the alien who had a really ugly face tbh. then jing the guy and i are sitting down against a wall and looking at her drawings. jing and i talk about how we are fans of each other. then we are running around a sea of beds like the ikea bed area. there are neon cursive words that glow white. we are looking for words that match the songs. we get stuck on trying to find a song called Cry that apparently is from grouplove in the dream. we have an ipod and are looking at it. then we take a break and sit down. i ask jing if she wants the guy and she says no and i can go for it. i kiss him hard and jing watches. then we notice cry written on the headboard of one of the beds. i think we kiss again and then the dream ended.

2:42 i check instagram. apparently daylight savings happened.

2:43 i google daylight savings. i think it’s dumb if only because i have to start waking up an hour earlier on the week that i need to start getting up at 8am

2:44 i hear wendy go to her bathroom and stop unpacking. now the house is quiet

2:45 i get up. i go and put on a pair of boxers because i took my pants off last night while i was asleep. i go to my desk and sanitize three times. i take my sanitizer and water glass out with me as i change my slippers and leave my room.

2:46 i go to the bathroom and use the edge of my phone to turn on the light. i change slippers and use my shirt to close the door. i go to the sink and wash my hands ten seconds no ritual. i was my face and get the dried blood off my split lip and the zit on my face. i guess i scratched it while i was asleep

2:47 i brush my teeth. i see two flies on the mirror and i want to cry and i feel them on my legs

2:48 i rinse my mouth and wash my face again. i go and use toilet paper to open the lid and i stop myself from going to wash my hands again.

2:49 i sit down and go #1 and 2.

2:50 i get up and wipe. use nonwipe hand with toilet paper to wipe down the seat and then more toilet paper to flush.

2:51 i go wash my hands ritual but just one and a half rounds to a count of ten. i open the back door with my bare hand and open the front door with my shirt. i change slippers and leave

2:52 i go sanitize my hands. i use a napkin to open the fridge and pour myself water. mimi is painting in the living area and asks if ive watched the meme video she sent me. i say one second and ill watch it in front of her

2:53 i go take my water and take my effexor and methylfolate. i dont think i took my nighttime meds last night. i was drunk i can’t remember too well because i was falling asleep but i’m pretty sure i didn’t. i look and realize im not taking 25mg of effexor but 37.5mg. i told the program the wrong dose. i decide it doesn’t matter

2:54 i put on my face oil and vaseline on my lips and head back out. i sanitize and sit down and watch the video. its a star wars version of the old Shooting Stars meme. it’s cute and i laugh. it’s very boomer / young kid humor. it’s very mimi and i love it.

2:55 i open the fridge with my shirt and pull out my beef roll leftovers. i eat it standing up by the kitchen table while talking to mimi. we talk about her painting. she’s adding cad red light to the headlights of the car. she emailed karen and let her know that the painting is going to be 80% finished by monday.

2:57 i finish my roll and sanitize my hands. i walk over to look at her painting. she’s added a LOT more detail. i like the glass paneling on the norms. she’s worried the perspective is a bit off and i tell her not to worry because i had no clue. she says she’s going to add glass to the other set of windows.

3:00 i walk back to the kitchen and throw the container into the recycling. mimi and i talk about tonight. i say i shouldnt be too long with spencer maybe an hour and a half. mimi says she can paint til 5 or 6. i desperately pray we push star wars back to next weekend.

3:02 i go back to my room and take the sanitizer with me. my glass is already at my desk from taking my pills. i sanitize and change slippers to go to my bed but i realize my laptop is outside from when i printed the drinking game rules.

3:03 i put on my purple gloves and sanitize and change slippers and go outside and pick up my laptop. i change slippers and bring it to my bed and set it down. i sanitize and take off my gloves and bring my sanitizer with me to my bed. i don’t sanitize again.

3:04 i check instagram before typing everything down

3:07 what if i ended it all. what if it all ends right now. i would be happy. just to have darkness. im so scared of death but i crave it

3:08 i scratch my eyebrows and go to type out my day from the bathroom onward. im so tired. i dont wanna watch star wars today can we watch next weekend please.

3:11 i rub my nose

3:15 my mom texts my brother and i

3:19 my mom and brother are texting and i keep getting notifications while i type. gonna go check

3:20 my mom sent us a picture of my dad and godfather in stanford latino alumni shirts. my brother says Ngl thats hard as hell. my mom asks what that means and he explains. apparently Nino got them for my dad and him

3:21 back to typing

3:25 mimi sneezes outside

3:26 wendy texts me about white men in entertainment having a thing for asian girls. i crack my neck and text her back then go back to typing out my morning.

3:29 i see mimi walk down the hall. maybe she went to her bathroom or went to get a tissue from her room. wendy texts me more and i check. she sends me a photo of her boss who has an asian gf. he definitely looks like he has a thing for asian women.

3:30 spencer texts me. they are ready. ciel is with his housemates but will join later. i tell them give me a second and ill email zoom link. i am almost done typing

3:35 i finish typing and text wendy back. time to open my laptop. i sanitize. its not going to hurt me

3:36 i put on a black glove on my right hand and open up my laptop and type in my password. i go and open up zoom and get the invite link. i email it to spencer’s usc email because somehow it’s still up and running

3:37 i take off my black glove and sanitize. i start a new note and sanitize again. wendy is texting me and says theres a hot guy in the work team

3:39 spencer texts me that they are in the waiting room but their audio is being funky. i let them into the zoom and we chat

3:41 i crack my neck. we decide to wait for knox for a little bit

3:43 we talk about art school and finding meaning in art and people that force meaning into their art. sam walks in from the front door. he was walking to yeasty boys with reanna and comes back

3:44 we are talking about being manic pixies. im texting wendy and writing everything down.

4:05 we start watching i have to restart cuz i forgot to share computer sound

4:07 we have issues with audio but we fix

4:09 we love switzerland and lichtenstein

4:16 its lagging really bad for spencer. we switch to their wifi so they screenshare. i give augustinas info to him. i sanitize twice

4:30 ive been watching and saving and editing star wars fancams while we watch hetalia

4:47 knox arrives !!!!!!! we watch more hetalia. we talk at how at 25 watching anime is no longer cool it’s gonna be so cringe. we are getting old.

4:56 i sanitize. ive been sanitizing evert few minutes whenever i touch my laptop.

5:03 wendy runs in front of my room. i mute myself and talk to her about all the stem guys at her summer gig. im hungry i want to eat

5:23 ive been posting more fancams

5:28 knox leaves n we say bye

5:30 i sanitize and plug in my laptop. we agree one more episode

5:31 i text with ace because augustina is at the top of my story views list. we try n figure out what that means

5:32 mimi checks in and i say we r almost done

5:35 i sanitize and we finish up.

5:36 i sanitize end meeting and close laptop. i text mimi. she asks if we can start at 6:30 and i say ok.

5:37 on instagram. eloise arrives. sam goes to my room to talk about how dunkin donuts has avocado toast for three dollars. he went on a pilgrimage there with reanna this morning.

5:41 he wendy and eloise leave to get burgers

5:56 mimi comes to talk to me. she wants to push back to 7. we talk about how yesterday we started at 6 and ended at 2 ( then jumped to 3 cuz of daylight savings ). we agree to give it til 7 and then plan it out. i dont really want to drink and be hungover for my first day of treatment so i hope we can do it next weekend.

6:01 i text ace about the stories thing and check instagram. theres a new nightmare event in obey me. i need to play but i dont have to do the event thank god. no lucifer cards. hopefully the turnaround is slower cuz of more characters.

6:04 i sanitize and pick up the trash from the side of my bed with my bare hands. a lot of empty ensure bottles and tissues from crying lmao. i sanitize again

( this is 6:47 me recounting what happened now )

6:05 i put on my blue bedroom gloves and sanitize and got up and went to throw the tissues and bottles away in my room’s trash can. i do so. i then change slippers and grab an old water glass and tea mug and take them and the container from my food two nights ago and throw the container in the recycling. i put the mug to soak and the glass on the side.

6:06 i decide to revive my sourdough starter so i have something to do every day. i take it down. a lot of it is dead. i wash my gloved hands ten seconds then i scrape out all the dead parts and fill it with water. i rinse out the bad smelling parts until its the healthy starter remaining. i go and grab my bin of bread flour and give it 3/4 cup of flour and 1/2 cup of water and stir it together with a chopstick. i set it to the side

6:07 i rinsed off the sink but it still smells bad. i run the garbage disposal but i still smell it. i decide i have to clean the sink. mimi said she would but its been over a week and she hasn’t yet. i grab some barkeeper’s friend and shake it everywhere. i decide to wash the other half of the sink too. i move the drying rack and shake more barkeeper’s friend

6:08 i scrub with steel wool

6:11 i rinse it off with water. i scrub more

6:12 i try and use one of milners rags to clean so i dont waste paper towels but the dirt it picks up freaks me out and i switch to paper towels. i notice its dirty in back counter behind the sink so i shake more barkeeper’s friend and scrub that too. the dirty water makes me want to throw up

6:16 i have to tell myself im done. i wash my gloved hands twenty second no ritual then i use more paper towels to clean. i put the drying rack back on the half of the sink and i realize im wearing my bedroom gloves and not my living area gloves

6:17 my mind went blank here but i remember running back to my room changing slippers and sanitizing a bunch of times and i sanitized my arms and legs too and i kept sanitizing for a while

( ok 6:56 me finished typing. thats what i remember happening. the narrative continues )

6:28 im dirty im dirty i have to throw myself away i have to theow everything aqay i want to peel off my skin and throw it away i want to get it off get it off of me i need shower but shower bad but i got water on my arm im fucking im going to text ace im hoing to tect ace im going to text ace

6:44 texted ace. calmer. gonna take a sec before i type. breathing rn.

6:45 texting ace about the ocd program. texted augustina briefly about how she knows nothing about star wars. i tell her dont worry.

6:46 i sanitize my hands and my legs. ive been sanitizing a few times a minute. havent been counting. gonna start writing it down again to make the time in between longer. i hate writing it down lmao.

6:56 i finish writing and sanitize. i feel so dirty. i dont want to watch star wars. i dont want to eat. im dirty

6:58 texting ace more. im hungry but i dont want to leave my room

7:01 mimi appears. she is ready to go. i get up sanitize my hands and bring it out with me. i grab my purple gloves too.

7:02 mimi asks me to come look at her painting. i walk up and go look. it looks epic and i tell her.

7:04 i put on my gloves and sanitize twice and then throw away the paper towels. i throw away the rag too. i put plastic on my sourdough and put it away. then i sanitize and i grab cleaner and i clean the counters to clean and help with the smell

7:03 mimi also comments on the smell so i know im not alone. i go to my room and take off my gloves and i grab my black gloves. i bring them and my water glass and a candle and a lighter

7:04 i place everything down and put the candle down and light it

7:05 i sanitize and put on my black disposable gloves. i open the fridge and pour myself some water.

7:06 i take a sip and remember i need my charger. i go to my room change slippers and unplug it. i calm myself down then head back out change slippers. i sanitize my hands and bring it and the charger to the red chair. i walk back to the kitchen

7:07 i pour myself a glass of wine and bring it and the bottle to the living room.

7:08 i sanitize then take off my gloves then sanitize three times. then i walk over use the edge of my phone to turn on the light change slippers and enter the bathroom.

7:09 i use my phone to close the door too. 7:10 i sit down and pee

7:11 i go on instagram and zone out

7:14 i get up and wipe. i use more toilet paper to flush but i dont use it to wipe down the seat ! i wash my hands twenty seconds no ritual but take time to clean under my nails.

7:15 i use my shirt to open the door and phone to turn off the light. i change slippers and go and sanitize three times.

7:16 i go sit down. mimi and i plan out a vodka shot when han solo appears. she pours it out and brings it over.

7:17 she comes and sits down. im on instagram. she and i order dominos together. it takes a while. i sanitize

7:22 we start watching. i write everything down

7:25 eloise and wendy and sam come back. sam announces that they drove past the grammy’s since its held in the staples center parking lot and honked really loud. eloise and wendy talk about phoebe bridgers not winning.

7:26 eloise talks a lot about how she hates star wars. we agree that han solo is hot

7:49 i catch up on my day. gonna enjoy now.

7:50 i sanitize. i text back ace

8:00~ pizza arrives. we devour

8:37 i check my phone and text back ace

8:55 i check instagram. ive been picking st my leg snd lip

9:36 we finish. we discuss watching the next one or not. sam asks us to turn the volume down. i say i dont wanna drink any more. mimi says shes gonna drink caffeine. what if i tell her i wanna sleepw

9:41 i get up and take my lamictal and risperdal. i sanitize and use my shirt and pour more water. i go and grab my plate and bring it. sam is taking out the trash. the trash can falls to the ground snd i freak out and freeze up. he notices lmao

9:42 i talk about changing the microwave time. sam and mimi say to change it just press clock time. i explain i can’t really touch it right now. they finally get it

9:43 i sit down. mimi wants to watch so i press play. mimi turns down the volume cuz i can’t touch the tv rn. i sanitize

9:44 im freaking the fuck out

9:45 mimi asks me more about the program. im stressed. i sanitize

9:46 i sanitize

9:48 i text back ace. we are talking about gundham’s english va

9:49 i sanitize

9:54 i texted ace. i sanitize. i want to die. i cant do this. im scared to touch everything. i dont wanna move out of this chair. i might sleep here i dont wanna touch the floor. 

10:12 ive been texting ace and on instagram and thinking about the webkinz milk cat. texted it to augustina cuz i want to talk about it with people right now right now. i finished my wine and im not drinking any more. im just buzzed today not drunk.

10:28 cant stop shaking leg. comforting. texting ace. i dont wanna be here. i wanna lay down

10:40~ sam comes outside and we talk about how yodas a piece of shit in this movie. we love him

10:48 ive been texting ace about higurashi. i texted Julián about how episode v is dumb.

10:50 i rlly dont want to wstch this. we have slmost an hour left. i just wanna sleep.

10:53 i sit up. mimi is telling me you can do things if u believe. i cant believe shes using yodas words n trying to make a life point this is very. ableist lmao. i sanitize

11:05 ive been texting ace abt mimis opinions. they agree with me. for us its s mental illness thing lmao.

11:20 texting ace and Julián. he and christina will be in huntington beach on the 24/25 as they drive up. ace and i are textinf about old tumblr mutuals

11:22 i sanitize

11:26 i sanitize and check instagram

11:28 dr levy texts me wishing me luck for tomorrow. i text her that im working hard

11:36 dr levy texts again that she is proud of me. i want to cry

11:44 we end ans i sanitize. i say i have to go to bed. mimi is tired too.

11:46 i get up sanitize. i bring sanitizer and water with me to the kitchen. use shirt sleeve open fridge bare hand water then close fridge sanitize twice. i bring sanitizer to room and water and go change slippers. i go to my closet and check and i have a small spare tube of toothpaste. i grab it and sanitize then change slippers go to bathroom

11:47 bathroom change slippers phone for light. wash hands ten seconds no ritual and scrub at lips and face to get blood off from where i picked at my skin and lip without realizing. i brush my teeth

11:49 i rinse my mouth and wash my face and use toilet paper to open lid i sit down

11:50 i pee

11:51 get up toilet paper flush i keep myself from wiping the seat. i go wash hands twenty seconds no ritual. i take old toothpaste tube with me and i leave with my shirt sleeve and phone for light

11:52 i go to throw toothpaste away. i grab paper towel that was my napkin from pizza and use that to open trash can lid but i touch it with my bare hands. i freak out and go wash ten seconds then i see my pizza plate is still there. i must have brought it back and forgot. i grab it with both hands and bring it to the sink and place it there. i want to throw up

11:53 i was hands entire ritual repeating to counts of ten then again to counts of nine and down to one. i wash my hands with paper towel and manage to throw that away without touching the trash.

11:54 i run to my room change slippers and sanitize three times. i realize i left my phone charger outside and my gloves. i sanitize again and change slippers and go outside. i grab a glove and use it like a napkin and grab my charger.

11:55 i run back to my room change slippers and sanitize my hands. i put my gloves on the dresser. i go to my desk and put on my face oil but i have to turn on my desk light to find my vaseline. i go sanitize twice and sanitize my phone and the outside of the vaseline jar then use it on my lips. i sanitize again and use my phone to turn off the light

11:56 i bring the sanitizer with me to the side of my bed and sanitize three times. im so tired i cant fight my brain rn. i remember i have hw.

11:57 i use my nail to pry open my laptop and my index finger to log in. i dont sanitize but use my index finger without lifting it to open my email. i open the google docs and make copies like Megan told me to. for the last one i sanitize twice then type out the title. then i sanitize again and write an email and send to megan.