2:46 been typing out artist statement. good night

7:50 i wake up fall asleep

8:10 i wake up for real. i didn’t dream

8:14 i get out of bed change slippers go to the bathroom change slippers. i pass mimi making coffee. i use toilet paper to lift the lid and sit

8:15 i sit down and go #1 and 2

8:17 i wipe and use toilet paper to flush too. i wash my hands ten seconds no ritual then brush my teeth

8:19 i finish and rinse my mouth and wash my face. i change slippers and leave with my shirt hem. mimi is eating breakfast outside.

8:20 i grab my croissant in the fridge barehanded and eat it on the table

8:25 i finish and go to my room change slippers and get onto bed

8:26 i fill out my check in form

8:30 i join check in

8:44 we finish

what i did for hw: exposures with the bathroom cabinet, sweeping

i did my homework but with a bit of avoidance

ideas for exposure are touching more objects, sanitizing less after program ends, and eat lunch properly

depression 1 last night 1

avoidance 2 last night 4

rumination 1 last night 3

self harm thoughts 0 last night 0

homicidal thoughts 0 last night 0

eat dinner yes

brush teeth yes

shower no last time last mon

eat breakfast yes

slept 5 hours but not bad

suicidal ideation 1 last night 1

anxiety 2 last night 6

8:45 i nap. im not supposed to sleep but im so sorry im exhausted from yesterday

9:17 i wake up

9:20 i meet with megan. she asks how im doing because i got such little sleep. i tell her i’m ok. we go over my weekend homework and i did really well. she asks me if i need anything and i say no

9:32 we end. i nap

9:45 i wake up. i check obey me

9:51 i change slippers and go outside to do exposures. wendy is in the kitchen using her blender. she’s making a smoothie

9:52 start fridge

9:55 fridge 1 0

9:58 bathroom cabinet

10:01 finish 1 0. i stay in the bathroom a bit before changing slippers and going outside. wendy is finishing up making her smoothie

10:04 fridge

10:07 finish 1 0. i sit down. wendy has finished making her smoothie and is eating it at the kitchen table

10:10 i go to the bathroom and change slippers. i start bathroom floor. i stand bare feet for 30 seconds

10:14 finish 4 6

10:15 i wipe the bottom of my feet with toilet paper and flush it. then i wash my hands five seconds no ritual.

10:16 i check instagram. i change slippers and walk outside to the kitchen cant remember how i opened door. wendy is still sitting there eating her fruit smoothie bowl and on her phone. mimi is still painting

10:18 fridge again

10:21 finish 2 0. wendy says she probably shouldn’t listen to green day rn. i tell her that’s why she’s sad and angsty. she says she’ll listen to american football instead. i scold her

10:24 bathroom cabinet. change slippers

10:27 finish. am about to sanitize but stop. 0 0

10:30 meet dr wang

10:45 sleep

11:13 wake

11;20 sleep

11:55 wake up. i change slippers run to the bathroom change slippers close door with arm use toilet paper to lift lid. i sit down

11:56 i go #1 and 2

11:58 i get up wash hands ten seconds no ritual. i change slippers and leave to the kitchen to my bedroom

11:59 i change slippers and enter my room. i pull up the meeting

12:00 i realize my door is open i jump up without putti g my bedroom slippers on and race to close it

12:01 i join group. i check my email to see the worksheets and i see megan sent me an email at the same time about joining group. i made it just in time

1:01 exit group. start working on final statement and portfolio to send to jennifer

1:11 finish sending off statement and portfolio to jennifer

1:12 change slippers and go to bathroom. take of slippers and stand barefoot on bathroom floor

1:16 finish habituation. 2 0. sit on bathroom and rest. i put my feet in my sweatpants to save them from contamination. it’s just more habituation

1:18 i put on my bathroom slippers. i have to calm down that i’m non contaminating them now

1:19 i put my hands on the bathroom mirror 15 seconds

1:22 i finish. 0 1

1:23 i go on instagram

1:26 i do the bathroom floor again 30 seconds

1:29 i finish 1 2

1:31 i text wendy in slack.

1:32 i start bathroom cabinet 15 seconds

1:35 i finish. 0 0. i go outside and grab my chocolate cake. mimi is eating pizza and wendy is making a salad

1:38 i go to the bathroom and do bare feet 30 seconds

1:42 i finish. 0 0. i go and finish my cake

1:44 i put my cake away and go grab my water glass and get some water. i put my fork in the dishwasher. wendy asks for some of my parmesan cheese and i say sure. she contemplates working on a cheese farm. mimi can’t finish her pizza and throws it away before i offer to eat it.

1:45 bathroom cabinet 15 change slippers go in bathroom

1:48 i finish 0 0. i change slippers go outside. wendy is finishing making her salad ans puttinf away ingredients. mimi contemplates day drinking and i say dont you have to drive in a bit. she says yes but beer won’t do anything. i say that it will but she disagrees and walks away. wendy thinks about day drinking on a farm

1;49 i go back to my room changw slippers. i stand on my bedroom floor 30 ssconss

1:51 i finish habituation early because i litwrally feel nothing. 0 0. i check my email and then go to log in all the new exposures

1:54 i log in my exposures and good news ! didnt need to do last bedroom floor one anyways. i do the touch three objects ten seconds each

1:56 i finish early cuz i feel nothing. 0 0. for sleeping half the time i got all but 3 of my 20 exposures done soon and all of my other work done too.

1:57 i fill out my check out sheet

2:00 i join group. im the second one there this time

2:11 i leave group and end for the day

check out:

i did exposures and bas today

i got all my work except 3 exposures done

depression 0

avoidance 1

rumination 1

anxiety 1

self harm thoughts 0

homicidal thoughts 0

suicidal ideation 0

for homework i will finish exposures, eat dinner, watch tv nonprime number, and sweep

2:12 i check instagram

2:17 i do touch three objects 10sec each

2:20 i finish. 0 0. it feels good not needing to sanitize or wear gloves for rhe first time in months.

2:34 been working on discover application. i have to write an abstract. i go on instagram

2:38 i text augustina about the application

2:52 i finish my part of the application. now i just wait for jennifer’s letter

( 11:19pm me here. i think i just worked on webpages this entire time. i Grinded today )

5:24 break on instagram from making webpages. so tirwd.

5:26 text sam. this is excruciating

5:58 break again. tired. done with sims doing my irl days next

6:01 check obey me. after im done with the first week of march im eating n then switching gears and playing the sims more to catch up. ill do my exposures while eating maybe. im so tired.

6:07 text ace. gonna take break and eat.

6:09 sam emails me his poster. it wont load. so hungry. figure it out later. tired.

6:10 it loads. so muxh text. i dont think they want us to use that much text anymore

6:11 i change slippers go to kitchen. i grab my daves hot chicken and take it out of the fridge barehanded. i eat some fries and then get some foil and put the food in the tray. i set it for ten minutes. i do it all barehanded !!!

6:12 i grab my water glass and get water barehanded and take my effexor. i sit down and type out my day

6:15 i smell my chicken burning so i take it out.

6:16 i pulled it out and put the chicken back in the takeout tray and i take the foil with the fries and take it out too. then i take it all to the kitchen table. i go to the fridge barehanded and get mustard and ketchup and mix it all together.

6:17 i sit down and start eating. it’s still cold but i don’t give a care. it’s so good

6:20 sam comes out of his room and through the kitchen. he asks whatim eating and i say chicken. he says it smells like someone is cooking. i say yes i heated up my chicken. he goes to the bathroom and closes the door

6:24 mimi walks through. she recognizes and asks if i got daves hot chicken again. i reply that it’s my leftovers and she’s surprised. she goes to pack up

6:42 obey me

6:43 insta. ask on priv if anyone wants to call cuz im lonely

6:54 bouncing between insta and messages doing nothing. text augustina. text brian. bored bored bored just tired. did a lot of work today already.

6:57 text kon and ace. kon’s twitter account got suspended after calling out a guy that threatened to r*pe him.

6:59 twxt sam about kids choice awards slime. text my uncle about him taking graduation photos

7:00 i close my eyes for a bit

7:06 i look and see people texted me back. sam is texting me about slime still. my uncle is gonna tell my aunt about photos.

7:12 go on insta

7:13 jamie from class followed me on instagram and brandon wardell follows her. i immediately dm asking why. she laughs and says they r friends. thats so cool. i text julian

7:14 i close my eyes some more

7:21 i go shut off my light qnd laptop and get comfy

7:24 i set my alarm for 9pm and text ace and kon that im gonna nap. when i close my eyes i have a vivid image of dua lipa with a beard

7:30~ unrelated to dua lipa i masturbate. it wakes me up and i feel less tired.

7:48 i open my eyes for real. i text ace that i’m awake

7:50 i check my mail. i go on nextdoor for the first time in ages and scroll. white moms r so angry all the time.

7:57 i post a meme to mentos

8:00 i move my jaw around so much. it’s so stiff. im aggressively stressed i guess

8:01 i text ace abt instagram ads

8:05 i check instagram. ace commented on my mentos post.

8:06 i text my uncle more abt photos.

8:10 i get up. wendy is talking. she wishes me good morning. she’s inviting jamie to come watch the college admissions scandal documentary. i tell her about my mom knowing augustín

8:12 i get water barehanded

8:14 i get water barehanded again. still talking with wendy

8:15 i take out my laptop and bring it to the kitchen table. i didnt change slippers to get it. i set it down and start working on my webpages again

8:24 i update my portfolio with the webpage and download it

8:25 submkt discovery scholarship application. i hope i get at least the distinction. sleepy bad updating rn so tired

8:26 i check email. stressed that i did something wrong but too late

8:30 i close tabs and start ag cook again. im gonna finish updating my website tonight.

8:31 separate 3.6 and 3.7 and airdrop to my laptop

8:36 i upload 3.7 to my website

8:37 i dick around on instagram

8:40 text sam that im love with ag cook

8:41 change my finsta bio to tell ag cook that im in love with him. his music is the one thing to calm my ocd down. he litrlly is keeping me functioning. if i met him i would cry

8:54 update 3.8 to my website

8:55 text ace about tenko

8:59 been dancing to ag cook. havent danced in a while

9:01 brian texts me. he’s been making psuedo furniture, as he calls it. i talk about applying for the discovery scholar and he says congrats. we start talking about cameron and how he has a gf and how we can’t believe he isn’t gay. we devolve into a lot of audio messages. we talk about ouran high school host club.

9:22 we finish texting. i go back to working on my website

9:30 milner is printing something. they come out and are excited. they just scheduled their vaccine appointment. we talk and realize that if mimi gets vaccinated we all will be vaccinated in the house

9:33 milner leaves but comes back to kiss me on the head. then they leave. i keep working on my website pages


10:13 wendy starts blending margaritas. its loud as hell. jamie keeps talking on the phone

10:16 i finish uploading my diaries to my website FINALLY. i go to check what my mom texted my brother and i. i’ll try and do a brief synopsis of what happened while i was working but i definitely got sucked in and wasn’t paying attention to outside sources and I’m not sure where i stopped taking notes so I’ll let you know. I’m going to go and fill out the blanks of my day now !! i feel so productive. i’m doing really well today im happy for once. i have to sweep after this and watch tv.

10:18 i go and fix the size of the text box on all the pages cuz i changed my mind

10:20 wendy brings me my margarita

10:25 NOW its updated and done for real. and with plenty time before any deadlines. I’m a genius. I’m a legend


10:26 sam asks if 190 is the end of the second or third century. i say third


10:27 i go charge my laptop in my room dont change slippers. i turn off my lamp and sanitize my hands

10:28 im back in the kitchen i take a sip of my drink. it’s strong. wendy and jamie are eating salmon and bell peppers.

10:29 as i go to enter the bathroom jamie announces that at one point in her soulcycle class with wendy she thought she shit her pants. i ask if i can include that in my diary and she says yes. i laugh and open and close door turn on light barehand and change slippers and type it down

10:30 i open lid without toilet paper i am goinf to try. i manage to do it with my nail ans sit down

10:32 on instagram. i pin horleydorley’s comment on a mentos post. love them

10:33 i get up wipe and use more toilet paper to flush. i go wash hands ten seconds then use my shirt to leave

10:34 wendy and jamie are talking abt a pee incident. i sip more margarita

10:35 i go to my room take my margarita change slippers and put it on my desk. i get on my bed where my laptop is. i need to corroborate my two notes for the day

10:39 been on insta scrolling. what if i make nfts

10:40 i grab laptop sanitize hands. its still comforting and i hate it

10:41 i go to my check in form and i start filling in the water. i realized i napped a lot this morning

10:49 eloise jamie and wendy are talkinf about washing dishes. eloise mentions the sensory part of washing dishes and how she hates it and i feel my hands get dirty. im fighting off the urge to sanitize

10:53 check texts. mama sent me a photo of mail from cvs where they say i have a cheaper price for effexor. i text back that i already stopped that med. she also sent me brother and i a tiktok that ill watch later. i type more

10:57 i text em and kon that i can’t watch riverdale tonight. i want to do more with my notes and to catch up on this and i can’t if im watching riverdale

10:59 i pause thping and take my margarita outside. i come sit down on the couch and we talk about the playmobil movie. we also talk about the queen’s gambit and i say its a good show

11:00  i sit on the carseat couch. jamie is on the grey couch and eloise is offering us chips and salsa on the beige couch. wendy is on the red chair and sam is walking around in the chicken

11:03 they start watching the documentary. i watch a bit and we talk about what days were great to be on the internet for. the olivia jade day was great. sam says when jeffrey epstein died. eloise said when trump got covid

11:09 ace and kon are playing imessage games

11:23 wendy is googling augustín

11:25 i scratch my leg. jamie says the rick singer impersonator looks like ellen. wendy says lesbian energy

11:27 we agree that jared kushner is hot but we wish he wasnt

11:30 i gag when the actor takes out the trash in the documentary