12:13 i get up walk to desk put vaseline on my lips. my skin is so dry already. i go back to my bed and get under my covers

12:15 i open the sims 4 to play til my prompt ends and then save

12:17 i exit the sims 4 and close my laptop wnd put it at the corner of my bed. ace texts me as i get comfy

12:19 ace sent me a danganronpa tiktok. we text abt kokichi

12:27 caught up in obeh me. set alarms gnite. might masturbate

7:50 wake. dream but snapped out of it. wak check instagra sleep. i did masturbate last night

8:09ok so dream. there were three labguages. we all had a popsicle stick that was chocolate and it if we dipped so one half was mint then we knew the thurd language. i was part of a family that ive never me they were white. we had different tasks to do. i was at barnes and noble getting a book it was a fantasy book. the tasks hurt and the first few days i was tired n back hurt but i got better. there was someone floating in the sky with a flowing dress like yue. i helped one person clean and another i think the mom played basketball with me.


its not coherent in my memory but it did have a plot in my dream


8:20 wake up for real. check fitbit slept for 7 hours. sleep score 79. woke up once briefly

8:22 get up and make my bed

8:23 put on slippers go outside to my fridge get water. i sip

8:24 i walk over and change slippers

8:25 go to bathroom use nail to open toilet lid. urge

8:27 i pee ans get up flush. wash hands then brush teeth

8:29 i finish and wash face

8:30 i run change slippers to room. i put on face oil turn on my light take off slippers go to my bed put komaeda blanket on my lap. i pull up check in form

8:31 i join group. the audio isn’t working so i leave and come again. i fill out while we talk. i go second

hw i took care of myself and just tried to relax

goals are to start exposures and not rush myself

depression 3 last night 4

avoidance 2 last night 0? unsure

rumination 2 last night 0? unsure

self harm thoughts 0 last night 1

homicidal thoughts 0 last night 0

eat dinner yes

brush teeth yes

shower no last time the 15th

breakfast no cant remember the last time

slept 7hrs and it was ok

suicidal ideation 3 last night 4

anxiety 3 last night 5

8:46 obey me

8:49 catch up in obey me. type down check in

8:54 get up. i might make mac and cheese

8:55 i look in the mirror. i feel skinnier. i put on slippers and go outside. all the cabinets are open and my paranoia skyrockets

8:56 i take a video of all the cabinets and send to my roommates pleading them to close the cabinets after they cook. cant do it rn

8:58 put pot on stove using a paper towel to grab it and pour water in it. i turn stove on two urges. i have a headache. i text back ace abt danganronpa

8:59 coaching myself thru paranoia. back isnt safe ghosts behind me. they opened the cabinets i know i. trying to remember that was probably milner

9:00 i go to the pantry use towel to open and get out my mac and cheese. i eat a dry shell as i wait for the water

9:02 i go back to the pantry use shirt to open and get tin of anchovies i eat them all

9:04 i put the paper towel to soak up the oil and throw away the tin

9:06 snack on more dry shells. regret the anchovies. my stomach has gotten weaker i am not a young kid anymore. i pour pasta shells into the pot. it was boiling but not a rolling boil but im on a time crunch here

9:08 spencer texts me photos of their cat to make me feel better. i text that im doing better today. am i lying i cant fucking tell. i go to my room grab my .25mg of risperdal take it with me to the kitchen. i turn off my light using my wrist. urge

9:09 i take my risperdal with my water

9:18 i finish making my mac and cheese and add spices and fried onions and bring it to the kitchen tabl. i go to my room take off slippers grab my laptop

9:19 put on slippers tak elaptop to table but then mimi walks down the hall and says good morning. change of plans i put laptop at my desk and go grab mac and cheese bring to room use wrist to turn on light close door grab blanket sit down

9:20 i join meeting. it takes a second so i wait and eat a few bites of mac and cheese

9:22 megan lets me in the meeting

9:30 we finish. she doesnt want me doing exposures yet she wants me to just do BAs. im gonna play the sims and enjoy taking notes i think. i eat more mac and cheese

9:35 i finish. it wasnt as mindful as i wanted but thats ok

9:36 i put on slippers take the pot to the sink and fill it with water to soak. i throw away the box and cheese packet into the trash urge. i put away the onions grab pantry knob with bare hand. i get more water. mimi is eating yogurt at the kitchen table. she looks so exhausted.

9:37 i go back to my room and boot up the sims. i give myself a treat and go to my bed and get under the covers. immediately i want to sleep. i might nap

9:40 i plug my laptop to charge and move it to the corner of my bed. i lay down and my back cracks it feels wonderful

9:42 i check email. my vaccine appointment is at 3:40 today. i go on instagram and start posting memes. i decide to take a mini nap and i set an alarm for 10:30 just in case

10:24 i wake up and post for eren’s bday. i turn off the alarm

10:28 i go to the bathroom and pur on my contacts dont change slippers

10:29 i go to wendys room and we talj about her dream. she had a dream she had to go through james bond-level obstacles in order to get to my artist talk. i tell her its eren’s birthday. she is not surprised he is an aeries

10:30 i go to my room and sit down and start doing my makeup

10:45 i’m one eye in and i go into my meeting with megan

10:52 we end the meeting. she just wants me to keep doing ba’s today to make sure my side effects aren’t aggravated by exposures and then tomorrow we can go back into starting them again. i go back to doing my makeup

11:25 i finish and try and take selfies but it takes a bit. i realize that group is at noon and not 11:30 so i take more time to take selfies

11:58 i go sit down at my desk and get situated

12:00 we start group

talking about symptom accommodation

1:03 we finish group. i go and register for commencement and airdrop myself a photo of me smiling

1:08 i finish and go to the sims. i catch up on obey me on my phone at the same time

1:12 i take off my keyboard cover. laptop giving me anxiety again. i play the sims

2:29 i text ace and kon a picture of the aot guys in a sauna. we thirst. ace is concerned about kon and i. we text about reiner for a while

3:03 was on instagram going to vaccine now ! text ace and kon real fast as i walk to my car

3:05 start driving. i chew a piece of gum. i play ag cook at a prime number

3:26 compulsion to yell out that im going to kill myself

3:35 arrive and they give me a pass to park. i park and its a bit close to a line but who cares. i walk out. paranoia bad

3:38 im down and they direct me to a line. paranoia bad and the army uniforms dont help. the lady likes my outfit and i tell her thank you

3:42 i get the shot and am told to wait until 3:56 to leave. i sit down and check instagram and text ace and kon about armin artlet

3:44 i check email and tom didnt do anything about my incomplete so now the units got taken away ? is that it ? i email alicia back to double check

3:51 i email tom back about the meeting tomorrow and how im only available to make it after 2. theyre gonna be talking about the website. i have to go look at videos for surveillance class sheesh i almost forgot. might do that after artist talk

3:57 i can leave ! i finish catching up my day and head out

3:58 panicking. the trash can lid is open who is hidinf there i dont know

4:01 in car. safe. too many cars in parking garage. body shaking might also be vaccine. too much stuff happeninf in my body rn lmao

4:03 i leave. the guy takes the parking pass off my car.

4:04 i drive past and i say out loud i want to kill myself.

4:32 i arrive home. the bluetooth never connected so i drove in silence. my arm fuckinf hurts


4:40 ten urges

4:41 on bed chillin. go look at blackboard

4:53 discussion board

4:54 look at grades. i need to turn in my final proposal. will do that tnite

thinking abt what to do. might make a game

4:59 text augustina about the rpg game she made a while ago. i go bwck on instagram

5:06 start google doc for proposal. thinkinf about what to do. i might make a piece about my paranoia rn cuz i dont wanna do ocd maybe hmmmmmm i think so yeah. alrdy doing something for ocd.

5:15 put on slippers go make sourdough bread dough fuck it

5:16 get more bread flour from top of fridge. arm hurts while pouring

5:25 finish and start cleaning up. three urges. i go get my water from my room

5:29 finish completely. five urges. i go to the bathroom change slippers sit down

5:30 i go #1 and 2 and go on instagram for a bit

5:36 i get up and wash my hands and head outside. milner is opening a cabinet. they say hi and that they got up at 5pm today. i grab my water glass and head across the kitchen

5:38 i go to my room take off slippers put away clothes. i move my laptop to my desk and work on fixinf my makeup

5:46 trying to find zoom link


10:48 bad vaccine reaction. whole body cramping

10:57 took tylenol. hurts sorry no type muscle hurt. watching drive to survive with mimi. changed classes tk pass no pass. did artist talk did call for secret meeting. we all want to fuck jack but wendy has dibs


11:38 auditory hallucinations. neither jamie nor mimi spoke. chills and feverish. changed blood date for friday not tomorrow