12:03 i sanitize my hands. wendy sam and i start putting post it notes on milners bed and desk. we also do mimis desk and we puts photos from Cats on milners walls and funny Star Wars pictures on mimis. i hand sanitize every few tasks

2:05 we finish. i down the rest of my wine and sanitize

2:09 i sanitize again

2:12 i sanitize again. ive been on instagram. i eat a costco tiramisu and give sam a bite. in a burst of energy i wash all my dishes from the past few days and wash my hands more then go sanitize twice. ive barely used dishes so its basically just the tiramisu cups.

2:23 ive been sitting with wendy just on instagram and texting my mom and telling her to go to sleep. my mom just saw the emails from dr levy

2:29 i help wendy write a joke for her what we do in the shadows’ themed script. we are making a joke centered around hot topic

2:30 i check my mail. im still down so bad i need to move on from this nonsense. i cannot fall down this hole again

2:36 i get up to cork the wine bottle and put it on the shelf above the island

2:49 ive been on instagram. down bad. check messages check mail

2:50 i go to pee use shirt sleeve to turn on light freak out cuz finger touch utensil shirt sleeve to open and close door toilet paper to open lid change slippers

2:51 i sit down and pee

2:52 i get up wash hands dry off towel use shirt hem open door use phone turn off light change slippers

2:53 i talk with wendy a bit. i use my shirt hem to open the fridge and my bare hand to pour water. i set my water glass down and go sanitize my hands. i pick up my phone phone charger glass take to room

2:54 i go to room change slippers go to bed sanitize and turn on lamp and sanitize come back take meds go turn off room light with my nail so my finger doesnt touch.

2:55 i go to bed. i snack on chocolate chips because i need chocolate so bad. i would literally drop everything if she liked me. down horrendous

3:04 im on instagram. i check obey me. cant believe im writing this shit down augustina if you ever read this im so sorry just ignore it. im just crossfaded as hell and i promised i would write down everything and i am. and its ok.

3:08 i pause obey me sanitize get up go put vaseline on my lips. my slippers are at the foot not the side of my bed so i walk on bare feet. i put vaseline on my lips and take a sip from my cup but its empty. i go back to my bed and sanitize

3:10 i finish playing obey me for the night

3:11 unrelated to anything else tonight but im going to masturbate. being crossed makes me horny. i will most likely watch porn. goodnight.

3:16 wtf one of these porn thumbnails has a girl with a mob psycho 100 poster. insane.

3:18 i give up on porn its terrible. im just gonna sleep. goodnight.

3:33 i cum. i dont think of anything in particular. i very rarely picture myself. usually its just an unknown generic person. i think at one point they were pinned down or tied up

3:34 i check messages and mail but i dont expect any. im right i have nothing new

3:35 im gonna sleep.

10:21 i wake up. i was in and out of sleep for a bit there. i think i farted but i cant remember. i hate to say it but i had a dream about augustina and she came for my thesis and we hung out and went to a cute restaurant and i put my head on her shoulder. she slept in my bed while visiting and in the middle of the night we would cuddle while asleep. i had another dream too where i was at a school or building or something and was getting bullied by these two guys and it was about trends and i cant remember what it was but i had to do something before they did but not too before. and i was being coached by ekubo but he was human and im only guessing it was him because im typing this out a bit late and some of the details are gone. i remember a long hallway with a curved glass ceiling and people walking by and me being defeated and exhausted and a shirtless guy taunting and laughing at me. probably related cuz i think while high yesterday i was looking at videos of tiktok boys.

10:22 i check my messages. augustina texted back. i notice im tired and have a tiny hangover but its not bad

10:23 augustina wants to hang out too. we text and she sends me some memes from reddit. i remind myself that she’s very heterosexual and not queer so her liking me and my gender expression probably wouldn’t happen. i calm down

10:24 i check my other texts and text back kon and dr levy. kon sent me a photo of eren jaegar and dr levy was telling me that my mom emailed her back and was really supportive. we had been worried she wasnt responding cuz she was anxious about the program but im glad that its not negative and she supports me

10:25 i check instagram. i post the memes augustina sent me and some other as filler then i post a create mode meme that if i ever post a meme someone sent me then we are dating. im so dumb

10:26 i play obey me. i catch up and try and calculate how i can scramble up 15 demon vouchers to get the lucifer ur+. i need it to feel ok like it’s essential that i have it i need it i might spend money i just will kill myself if i dont have it

10:44 i finish catching up and use my calculator to check if i was right on how long it will take me to level up

10:45 i check my mail. theres an email about lastpass and i need to log in today or at least i should. i remember theres a medical bill i have to pay for bloodwork so i should do that on monday.

10:46 i go on instagram again

11:03 i start typing everything down. i take a break to go on instagram and i take a small break after writing down my dream. i told myself i would write everything down and if augustina sees this then its ok. ill just explain to her and confess and play it off because it really is silly.

11:16 i finish typing. i check messages and text kon and ace about my dream. i look away from my phone to zone out

11:43 i check instagram. augustina liked the post. i regret making it

11:45 i check instagram, messages, and mail. augustina is at the top of my story views. my dad sent me a chess set that got delivered outside. i sit up in bed.

11:47 i sit up in bed. i plan to get up. i sanitize my hands and pick at my lip. i open instagram but immediately close it.

11:48 i get up. i sanitize my hands and i slide down my bed to get my slippers since i left them there last night. i change slippers and go out to the door. i use my shirt to open it up. theres a package for me and one for mimi

11:49 i bring both inside. i try and close the door with the back of my wrist but its too stuck with the ground so i have to use my leg. i realize i forgot my glasses.

11:50 i go to my room to sanitize my hands but i remember i kept it outside last night so i go to the living room and sanjtize my hands. on my way to the bathroom i close cabinet doors with my wrist. i use my shirt to turn on the light and open the door and luckily the lid is up already.

11:51 i sit down and pee

11:53 i check instagram

11:54 i get up use toilet paper to flush and wash my hands no ritual

11:55 i brush my teeth

11:57 i wash my hands then wash my face then dry my hands. i use my shirt sleeve to leave and edge of phone to turn off lights

11:58 i go hand sanitize and pick up my blue and purple gloves cuz i left them out last night

11:59 i go to my room change slippers and set my gloves down. after a big of thinkinf i grab my laptop bring it to my bed and sanitize my hands. i put blankets over me and eat some chocolate chips

12:03 i sanitize my hands and eat more chocolate chips. my face is dry i need to put on my face oil

12:04 i get up put on slippers put on face oil. i rub oil into my hands too. i get back to my bed and under the blankets

12:05 i put on my glasses and check obey me. i sanitize my hands. i rub my nose.

12:07 i scratch my foot

12:09 i finish obey me. i scratch neck

12:10 i scratch my foot

12:21 i get comfy under my covers text my dad back check instagram

12:23 i check venmo

12:25 i check instagram dm an about where to pay

12:26 i venmo her for the necklace she reserved for me. i go back to instagram

12:32 i check my messages. papa asked me if i was doing ok. i take a break to respond

12:33 i close my laptop with my foot so it doesnt poison the air

12:34 i scratch my face and pick my nose. wendy walk by and says good morning. i have a sharp pain in my left temple

12:35 augustina sends me a meme. im worried if i post it too fast then itll be obvious. i wait and post a different meme to instagram instead. ill post hers in a while.

12:45 i check instagram again and post some memes. i decide fuck it and i post hers

12:46 i text back ace. i text my dad that im doing ok.

12:48 ted bundy is at the side of my bed. i can sense him out of the corner of my eye. i hear sam walk around outside in the living area. i want pasta.

12:52 i text spencer. i check instagram and look at lash extension accounts.

12:58 ace texts me that i was in their dream. i text spencer back and check instagram

1:00 i text spencer back. they miss LA and getting ramen together

1:02 i tell spencer i will visit them in omaha one day

1:03 spencer and i plan to call later today. i might brave it and make pasta. i have to figure out how to cook it without contaminating it and killing myself

1:04 i rub my eyes. spencer and i chaf about getting back into old interests. we plan that we will call each other when we need to be productive on our work

1:07 we talk about our love of the word straggot. i rub my eye twice

1:11 we talk about cis people. i check instagram and message ace and kon back about danganronpa. i go back to texting spencer

1:13 i update my memoji and we send each other a few

1:14 i update my bitmoji and spam spencer with stickers

1:18 i send them to augustina too

1:22 sam comes over to let me know that seth and jamie will be coming at 1:30 to pick up his stuff. we want them to wear masks while they are inside

1:30 i go through my email. i sign a form for rogers

1:38 i email back coaxial about my payment for the show

1:39 i set up my lastpass account. i make a note to fill out tom’s field trip form

1:42 i have to use my laptop to fill out the form. i text back spencer and my dad.

1:44 seth and jamie are here i get up put on mask and sweatshirt change slippers and open door wjth my sleeve

1:45 i take the chair off of the bin so seth and jamie can move it to their car

1:46 i sanitize my hands

1:47 i text wendy that they are here. i sanitize my hands

1:49 i open the fridge with my sleeve but my finger touches a little so i close it and go sanitize my hands

1:50 i go change slippers grab seths roller skates from my closet change slippers again and bring them out and put them by the door. i sanitize my hands

1:51 i go to my room stay at the doorway grab my gloves go outside sanitize my hands put them on sanitize again. i grab a pot from the drying rack and fill with water im freaking out. it touches the tap a bit and i freak out and rub it with my glove. i turn on the stove and put the pot on the stove is filthy the sink is filthy everything is contamknated i go to the living room sanitize my gloves take them off sanitize my hands and try to calm down

1:54 i sanitize my hands and work on my breathing

1:55 i check my mail. im down so bad still today is just not my day. i need to get over myself.

1:57 i check instagram. seth and jamie leave with the first trip of stuff. i sanitize my hands

1:58 i put on my glove and put salt in the water. its close to boiling. i shake off my glove and sanitize my hands

2:00 the water is almost boiling. i use my sweatshirt sleeve to open the pantry and my bare hand to grab a box of pasta and open it up. i sanitize my hands and wait by the stove. i tell sam i want to learn what friday night funkin is.

2:01 i answer tychos dms. we talk about memes and among us

2:05 tje water is boiling i pour in half the pasta. i use the tongs with my bare hands and i take a noodle out every once in a while to taste.

2:09 its cooked. i like my pasta very al dente when i eat it plain. i use my sweatshirt sleeve to open a drawer and grab a fork and sanitize the fork then i grab the pot bare handed and use the fork to hold the pasta back as i drain the water then i set it back on the stove. i sanitize my hands

2:10 i open the fridge with my sleeve and grab the parmesan cheese with my bare hand being careful not to touch anything else. i shake it loose and pour a lot in my pasta. i use my fork to stir it around and bring it to the trivet on the table

2:11 i sanitize my hands and start eating

2:14 i finish. mimi and milner arrive and they love the prank

2:16 i rinse out the pot and pour more water to boil. im just gonna eat the whole pack of pasta. i sanitize before and after moving it to the stove again

2:26 i check twitter. i watch a daily dunkaccino vid. i rub my nose with my sweatshirt sleeve.

2:30 the water is boiling i add the rest of the pasta. its too much but its too late its all there

2:35 its done and i pour out the water. i add cheese and lemon pepper. havent used my gloves.

2:46 i take a break from eating because seth and jamie are back and i put on my mask

2:48 i sanitize my hands and sit on the couch

3:01 i check my mail. nothing new

3:04 i check instagram

3:06 i start practicing with my cuticles again

3:20 ive been very invested with my cuticles. seth and jamie have left. i check instagram

3:21 i text spencer i check instagram. down bad idk why im even checking. im just mad at myself rn

3:22 i go to eat more pasta i sanitize my hands.

3:27 i check instagram. i feel full. i hate myself

3:30 i check my mail. i feel like im in middle school.

3:36 i dont finish my pasta but i get up i screw on parmesan lid sweatshirt sleeve open fridge put parmesan back.

3:37 i go to room change slippers fall onto bed nap. i feel emotionally unavailable

4:08 i come out of my nap. i dreamt of kissing augustina. im down so bad augustina im so so so sorry ill get out of this i swear.

4:10 i check instagram. i text ace abt my dream and spencer abt calling then i check instagram

4:16 text ace again

4:17 nap more. stomach hurts from pasta. i go on instagram and look at skinny bachelor contestants. i hate myself

6:24 i wake up. i passed out hard. i dreamed of this legal battle between two women and one was my moms friend and the other was a woman was in the military and being persecuted for something but my moms friend kept sending me right wing religious and anti drug instagram posts so i blocked her and she got mad, and the persecuted womab stood up in court against the right wing woman and then went back to the dressing room and i was there and it was wanda sykes in a buttoned black blazer no shirt gold paint on her face and neck and i gave her a hug and she cried. then i saw someone enter through a door after she left and there was two arrows that circle the ground beneath us slowly until i woke up

6:32 i text augustina and go on instagram and respond to her there too

6:34 i text spencer that i just woke up. i say to give me a minute before we call i want to get water

6:35 i write down my steps and my dream

6:39 i go outside i dont put on bedroom slippers i put on living area slippers go and use sweatshirt open up fridge grab water with my bare hand and put it back i come back and then i text spencer that im ready to call.

6:42 i call spencer on facetime

6:44 i get on my laptop. it’s easier with spencer there

6:46 i start typing stuff. spencer is drawing some pipes that they saw at their church when their brother had organ practice

6:50 spencer shows me their drawing. its dope as hell

6:52 i sanitize my hands. we talk about the sonic’s ultimate harem fanfiction

6:53 i sanitize my hands

6:54 spencer tells me about the right wing aph america fan that was sexually attracted to rogue the bat and called her a short stack

6:55 i sanitize my hands. we talk about lola bunny and her deboobification

6:57 i remember to make a calendar update for my thesis committee meeting. spencer and i talk about sketchbook types.

6:59 i sanitized my hands and start filling out the field trip form. spencer and i talk about our fixations. i sanintize

7:06 i finish filling out my field trip form. i send spencer the photo of eren and talk about how im back in my levi phase

7:08 i explain danganronpa to spencer. i scratch my nose

7:12 i book my advisement appointment. i go to fill out my discussion boards for my psych class. i sanitize twice

7:14 we talk about hetalia headcanons

7:16 i sanitize

7:18 i find the beer can cum image and send to spencer. ive been looking for it for years and i somehow find it first try this time around. i sanitize my hands

7:27 i finish the first dicussion board. it is about meeting online friends and spencer and i laugh

7:29 i describe my answer to spencer

7:31 i check instagram on my laptop

7:32 spencer shows me a doodle they colored of roderich. i cry its so cute he’s such a pure soul in the drawing

7:34 i sanitize

7:37 spencer is tired so we hang up. we’ll probably text later. I start on my second discussion board post

7:40 i finish my second discussion board post. i sanitize my hands

7:41 i go on my phone and text spencer. i also text ace and kon about the tv show You

7:42 i go on instagram and check out the new posts on mentos illness

7:44 i text spencer some more

7:48 i play obey me

7:50 i sanitize my hands

7:51 i take one step off my bed lean grab my charger go back to my bed plug it in. i pick at a scab and bite at the skin. it starts bleeding a bit, which i didnt mean to do, and i get blood on my pillowcase while trying to get comfy after plugging in my laptop

7:52 i sanitize my hands. since im having such a productive day on my laptop i go to finish my midterm for julias class. i sanitize my hands and pull my laptop onto my lap.

7:53 i sanitize my hands twice cuz there wasnt enoughs sanitizer the first time

7:54 i order nail brushes, cuticle oil, and a fitting keyboard cover for my laptop on amazon.

7:55 i sanitize

8:51 i finish my midterm and submit it for julia’s class

8:52 i look at sample papers for my writ 340 class and try to formulate an outline. i dont know the text time that ill be this productive on my laptop and im trying to make the most of it

8:56 i text back ace and kon about danganronpa and five nights at freddys

8:59 i text back spencer. we plan a day to watch hetalia together. it’s our guilty pleasure

9:00 i text ace and kon about how much i love ryoma in v3

9:01 i sanitize

9:02 i look at my previous essay for writ 340

9:05 i text ace about danganronpa i sanitize my hands.

9:10 i sanitize

9:11 i read my previous essay

9:17 i remember i promised wendy i would send it to her so i do

9:18 i sanitize my hands. i rub my eye with the back of my wrist.

9:24 i go onto instagram

9:28 i pick my nose. somehow hand sanitizer got on my laptop so i wipe it off and sanitize my hands. i move my laptop and get up

9:30 i sat up but then just got on instagram

9:31 i look up photos of ryoma hoshi

9:34 ace texts me a video. i sanitize my hands

9:35 i watch the video. its a danganronpa mmd and I text ace that shuichi’s mmd sprite looks fine as hell in it

9:36 we start texting about my logs and what details i choose to share and what i choose not to share. i tell ace i’m organizing my logs rn and will share the google doc with them once I am done

9:43 sanitize

9:44 ace and I talk about dreams. i swanitize my hadns

9:45 i get up to go to the bathroom i change my slippers snd exit my room

9:46 i see a mask on the table i use the back of my wrist to open the trash can and toss the lid in there. the light is already on in my bathroom so i walk in close the door with my hem over my non trash hand and lock it because milner is doing laundry and i dont want them to walk in on me. i change slippers and try and close the back door with my shirt but its stuck on milners laundry bag so i have to use my bare hand snd immediately i start scrubbing hard to get rid of the coats of hand sanitizer on my hands and then i scrub for count of ten each step of my ritual. havent written it in a while but its ten counts scrub palms together, ten scrub with fingers overlapped to get in between fingers, ten palms again, ten for each back of hands, and ten for the top and undersides of my nails. i manage to make it so mecleaning my nails adds up to ten so i stop there but then i notice that the hand sanitizer leaves grey drops on the sink and i freak out get more soap and scrub no ritual for ten more seconds. then i get toilet paper and wipe down the counter then throw away in trash but then i remember i want to flush the toilet paper now so i grab it really fast and flush it but i touch some of the wet part of the toilet paper and freak and then scrub ten seconds again then more soap then ten more seconds then use the towel dry my hands.

9:47 i sit down and pee

9:48 i get up and wipe and use toilet paper with my other hand to wipe down the seat. then i use more toilet paper to flush. then i go to the sink scrub ritual for count of ten then i use soap scrub for ten seconds then i use a bit more and clean my tattoo then i rinse and use towel.

9:49 i use the hem of my shirt to unlock and open the door and the back of my wrist to turn off the light. i change slippers and go to the living area and sanitize my hands. they are very dry again

9:50 i grab the failed keyboard cover, my nail kit, my pairs of gloves and my weed pen and take them all to my room. i change my slippers put them down on my red chair get on my bed sanitize my hands and type it all down

10:03 i finish typing. i notice the skin on my hands is dry and peeling a little. i pick at it and sanitize my hands

10:04 i check my messages. wendy has responded in excitement to me sending her my nathan fielder essay. i hope she reads it soon.

10:05 i get a text from mimi. i forgot to record but a few minutes ago she texted me about star wars. there is an obi wan show happening on disney plus. i lose my shit in excitement.

10:08 we text back and forth abt the article

10:09 i fart

10:10 i go on instagram

10:15 i sanitize my hands. i scratch under my arms and sanitize my hands

10:16 i share my 3.1 note to my laptop

10:17 i have the urge to pick at the scab on my leg. i pick it all off and bite at the dead skin. its gross but i have to do it just my brain tells me i have to and its so loud.

10:20 my leg is bleeding now. i wipe the blood with my finger before it drops on my sheets and lick my finger

10:21 i sanitize my hands. i pull my laptop closer

10:22 i sanitize my hands and create a new google doc

10:23 i copy paste the note into the google doc

10:25 i paste march 2nd in there too

10:26 i pick my nose. i check my leg the bleeding stopped.

10:27i sanitize. i find march 3rd and airdrop it. i fart

10:32 i airdop march 4th to me. i take time to learn how to make a table of contents

10:41 i airdrop march 5th

10:48 i airdrop march 6th

10:52 mimi comes to say hi. i sanitize my hands and we talk about the new star wars show and what we think about it. we are both looking forward to it

10:56 i sanitize my hands again

10:57 i realize its almost 11pm. mimi laughs and heads out to do more work herself

10:58 i fart

11:00 i think im cutting out the sims entirely. this is so interesting just on its own but i want to talk to my thesis committee to ask their opinion. im gonna keep doing the sims though for a while just in case. maybe ill do just one round of the sims until i die the first time. that might be really poignant.

11:01 i sanitize my hands

11:07 i upload more of these files to my google doc

11:08 i text it to ace and explain a little bit

11:10 i sanitize my hands and get up to get vaseline

11:11 i get vaseline and come back to my room. milner is playing king’s dead i love that song

11:12 i sanitize my hands

11:13 i dont think i can make a way to jump back to the top in google docs. i rlly do need to start uploading this to a type of blog

11:14 i fart and scratch my head. i sanitize my hands

11:15 i text sam about how much ive written

11:16 i have a lot of ideas about my thesis now i think its all really interesting and cool and fun and sexy and im manic i think whenever i think about my thesis i just start flying off the rails which is good cuz it makes me so happy !! im so happy right now !!! so much energy things are going to go good things are going to great everything is going to be amazing i cant stop typing i cant stop typping i have to keep smiling in my head if i stop smiling or stop typing im going to die something bad is going to happen i shouldnt have been excited the joy is fading its going away i cant stop typing if i stop typing ill die i have to stop typing but its so hard i dont want to stop im scared to die i want to die but im scared to die and th

11:17 i get an error from my notes that my icloud is full. it forces me to stop typing. im exhausted. worried im gonna collapse now. i feel my heartbeat. things are spinning its just stress im. tired.

11:18 i sanitize my hands

11:19 i text my brother. im tired but my brain is still really wanting to talk about my thesis i need to talk about it with someone rn rn rn rn

11:20 i text augustina cuz i wanna talk about it but she’s probably asleep its like almost 3am for her. i sanitize my hands

11:21 i dont know who else to text. i think wendy is up but shes busy. i text her just in case

11:22 my joy has depleted my exhaustion has briefly passed now i am just wide awake. i exit out of the amazon tab cuz i never closed it. i. i am awake. i feel like im shaking but i know im perfectly still.

11:23 trouble focusing eyes. dissociating. its the damn mood swing loop again but in a matter of minutes

11:24 i sanitize my hands. i scratch my neck and rub my eye and sanitize again

11:25 i go on instagram

11:26 i sanitize. Julián has responded so i text him

11:27 i fart. the pasta made me gassy

11:30 wendy says i can come talk to her about my thesis in a little bit. i am happy but i dont feel it. just that i should be. emotions have gone to sleep a little bit right now. i sanitize my hands

11:33 i send the sims day doc to Julián. i sanitize my hands

11:40 i read through the sims day1. i think its fascinating. for my thesis i will just do playthroughs until my sim dies. maybe ill shoot for one where my sim lasts the longest ?

11:41 i sanitize plug my laptop in and sanitize again. i flip my phone over and sanitize again

11:42 i start the sims again

11:43 i quit out chrome cuz my laptop is lagging. its probably from having the sims open for so long lmao

11:44 i save the sims and exit out of it. im going to give my computer a break for tonight. i want to let it breathe.

11:45 i sanitize my hands. i text Julián on my phone

11:46 i fart and sanitize my hands

11:47 Julián tells me about his day. he’s having a rough time with his workload but objectively things are going ok. I really do hope that things are going ok. i love my brother. he thinks it might be good for him to start going to therapy and i tell him ill help him find one in the berkeley area. i make a mental note to text dr levy about if she knows anyone tomorrow.

11:51 i go on instagram for no particular reason

11:54 i sanitize my hands

11:55 Julián and i talk about the WATTBA sipping on a cup of lean copypasta. we decide that it’s about dr levy

11:56 i open up the google doc to paste the last part of today into it. im literally just keeping my laptop open because im lazy and want to just copy paste this and be done for today. so tired. i sanitize my hands