12:00 wendy is watching dont hug me im scared. shes on a zoom call or something or i think shes facetiming jamie

12:01 augustina texts me a meme from reddit. i laugh. my anxiety has gone way down now thst my laptop is closed. my body melts as my muscles unclench. i am warm soup.

12:02 i scratch my face

12:03 i open obey me. i did get blood on my komaeda blanket fuck. augustina texts me some more memes. i look at them

12:04 i go back to obey me

12:10 i use my ap and before i start watching ads i text augustina some more

12:12 i go back to obey me

12:15 i finish catching up on obey me. wendy stands outside my doorway and says she wants to do her laundry but then we can chat. milner calls her over

12:16 i get up change slippers and go to milners room where they and wendy are. milners high and needs help with their laundry and wendy doesnt want to put milners clean laundry on the floor so she runs to get her own hamper for milner.

12:17 i take a photo of milner’s desk because its among us. sam asks me who mentos illness mustard admin is. its my brother. milner says thats a great fun fact about my brother.

12:18 i sanitize my hands. i run back to my room change slippers grab water glass change slippers run back sanitize my hands. then i use my shirt hem to open the fridge and my bare hand to pour water into my glass then i close the fridge set down water and sanitize my hands

12:19 i eat the leftover pasta from this afternoon. wendy is putting her laundry into the machine. she says shes gonna shower and then we can chat. i say ok and i run water into the pot for it to soak then i go to the bathroom use my wrist to turn on light and push open door i change slippers and wash my hands no ritual.

12:20 i sit down and pee and type stuff down

12:21 i finish i wipe then i use my other hand to tear more toilet paper then i transfer it to my wipe hand to wipe off the toilet then i use my nonwipe hand grab more toilet paper flush and throw it in. then i go to wash my hands and i get stuck in my ritual first i do one whole round count of then. then its not enough so i start over and do one round count of ten, one round count of nine but then at eight i start doubling and so its two rounds of eight, one round of two passes for my nails until it feels right, two rounds of seven, multiple nail passes, and so on until i finally get to one. at count 6 i put more soap on my hands.

12:24 i brushed my teeth.

12:26 i wash my hands one round of ritual count of ten. then i rinse out my mouth and scrub hard no ritual ten seconds. then i wash my face and scrub again ten seconds and i use the towel to turn off the sink cuz if i touch it i have to start all over. then i grab a paper towel to pick up my phone and use it to open the door. i change my slippers and head to my room but pause to sanitize my hands in the living room first

12:27 i change slippers and put on my face oil and then i take my lamictal and risperdal. im about to put in my retainer but then i remember that i wanted to talk with wendy so i dont yet. i move my wallet from my bed to my desk then i change slippers and leave my room. i go back to the living area and sanitize my hands three times and pull a blanket over me and type this all down

12:42 wendy exits her bathroom. my brain is telling me i have to sleep out here tonight and im so exhausted from handwashing i might. fought so much using laptop today so everything is x10 now afterwards

12:43 we sit down at the table and chat. im so tired we talked about my thesis and how wendy might go back to china in a year to visit family and how the pandemic is affecting smaller countries.

12:57 wendy shows me her phone and i grab it to look at an image. my brain freaks.

12:59 wendy brings out her laptop to work and hang out a bit.

1:00 while wendy gets her laptop i run and sanitize my hands. i sit down again and fart.

1:01 i text ace and kon on instagram

1:04 i text ace about augustina. i fart again

1:08 wendys back. shes asking me questions about after effects

1:10 i show her how to use keylight. i go sanitize my hands

1:20 we finish talking. i helped her brainstorm ideas on how to finish this project for her show. shes only given herself tomorrow to work which is insane because of render times. i gave her my spare hard drive to use because she doesnt have enough storage on her laptop to use after effects. i touched her laptop twice and sanitized my hands after both times

1:24 i urge her to at least get one video rendering overnight and i go to my room change slippers get in bed sanitize my hands

1:28 i finish typing this down i sanitize my hands. i feel weak from using my laptop. it drained me of energy now i cant fight against my brain well

1:30 i text ace about taylor on instagram. im gonna keep talking to her but im worried that me discovering that i have feelings for augustina will make this a really bad idea. i fart

1:33 ace texts me about the google doc i sent and i text them back on my phone messages

1:34 i check my mail. i make calendar reminders for my advisement meeting on the 15th. i check and i already have one set for my thesis meeting on tuesday.

1:37 i text ace some more. i check my mail to see when my psychiatrist appointment is tomorrow

1:38 i find that it’s at 9am. i go to my clock and set an alarm for 8:57 because i am lazy and wont get out of bed before he calls.

1:39 i text ace on instagram some more

1:41 someone wants to go on a date with ace but because theyre going to start trying out a relationship with someone else they want to be platonic with this other person. i say to probably just have really platonic body language to try and affirm that it really is just hanging out.

1:51 i scratch my face neck and rub my nose.

1:52 i google kokichi x rantaro to try and find information on the ship cuz ace and i are trying to understand it. we end up sharing the same article with each other.

1:54 i fart

1:56 i say goodnight to ace on instagram. i check my alarm and then sanitize my hands and try and sleep

9:03 i wake up. i dont remember my dream. last night i think i tried to masturbate but couldn’t get in the mood so i just thought about my after effects project instead and my thesis. i take a second and then remember my appointment and i rush to call dr davis back. the first time it reaches voicemail and i leave a message

9:06 i call again and janet the secretary picks up. she says she will let dr davis know and that he will call me back

9:08 he calls back. i talk to him about the therapy program starting on thursday and we plan out what to do for when i start seeing a new psychiatrist as part of the program. we talk about if i feel depressed or if its just ocd and i tell him i have mild depression that gets aggravated when my ocd wears me out and i cant fight against the depression as well. we talk about if the methylfolate has started to help and i tell him about my manic flashes. we talk about the effexor and if i notice a difference. i havent my ocd has just gotten worse since i started. we talk about how we might start a new medication that works well with the methylfolate but want to wait until after the program, and maybe the program will recommend the same. we count and ive only been on the methylfolate for a little over a week so it will take longer for it to have its full effect. he asks me if i need refills for my medication. im not sure but i say to do it anyways because usually i think im ok and then i run out.

9:23 we finish. my alarm went off twice while we were talking

9:26 milners alarm goes off

9:28 they turn it off. i set another alarm for class. i turn off the 8:57 before it has a chance to ring again

9:29 try sleep more so tired

10:36 wake up. text back augustina ace spencer. i get texts from my mom and dr levy asking how im doing but dont respond

10:38 i check instagram. i read a comment argument on on a downward spirals post. it was made by the person that would obsessively dm me a while back. its so funny seeing them be a terrible person. i pick at my lip while i scroll.

11:04 i go back and text my mom about how im doing. i stay positive and dont disclose anything negative. i pause for dr levy i dont know what i want to say yet. 

11:06 i hadnt filled out the details of my call with dr davis so i do that.

11:17 i go on instagram and respond to ace and kon. we are talking about how levi ackerman is a virgin and probably would never notice us or care about us. i say that i want that so bad and ace tells me i deserve better

11:19 i respond to dr levy about how im doing. i say i had an ok day yesterday but just a lot of fluctuations in the day. i tell her about getting work done yesterday but then my ocd getting worse after that.

11:21 my mom calls. i accidentally hang up but immediately call back. shes asking how im doing and i let her know about how i did well yesterday. i also tell her about dr davis and how we arent changing anything medication-wise. she lets me know i always have a place at home and to come back whenever. she mentions that dr levy said in the email that it gets worse while im in LA. i tell her that its good for me to be in LA because i need to work on the stuff that is LA-specific. she apologizes for not seeing the email sooner and that she loves me so much and thank you for letting dr levy email her about my situation because she knows i dont disclose a lot with them and she knows that was a lot for me to do. i start crying but do my best to keep my voice level so she cant tell. i make ugly faces while i cry i cant cry pretty right now. she says she loves me and is there for me and to always come back home if i need to. i cry harder and say thank you and we hang up.

11:31 i cry hard. i ugly cry but i make sure to not make any noise

11:32 wendy comes in the doorway to my room. i stop crying and wipe my tears away. she tells me about how an asian girl that ben wendel hooked up with is now most likely dating josh, the guy that slept with her and ghosted her. she walks into my room shows me a facebook post of them together. they definitely look like they are dating. wendy thinks its absolutely hilarious and she’s right.

11:34  i start ugly crying again. im too worked up over my moms call to care about wendy in my room

11:36 i wipe the snot from my face with the back of my hand

11:38 ive pretty much stopped crying. i lean over to my dresser and grab a tissue. i wipe the back of my hand and blow my nose twice. i remember that i sanitized at some point already but i dont remember when

11:39 i sanitize my hands

11:40 i check instagram. a post i made on mentos is doing well. i post to my private story about how im down bad even tho i know augustina will see. i also post about how much i love ryoma.

11:43 i get a call based in los angeles. im worried its spam but something tells me it isnt so i respond. it’s rogers and they ask me if i can push back my admission day to friday because my team needs one more day to get ready. i say yes of course. they also ask me if i can send a photo of me shoulders up and photos of the front and back of my insurance card. maria gives me her email address for me to send the images to. i say thank you and we hang up.

11:52 i check instagram. i check mentos and my main but not much is happening. i post a meme to mentos and get a text notif from a unsaved number

11:53 i check my messages. its from a dispensary

11:54 i catch up on obey me

12:02 i check my calendar to see how many battles i need before i level up

12:03 i check instagram

12:06 i sit up and scratch at a scab on my back. i scratch at my arm and shoulder. i find my slippers and get out of bed

12:07 i almost leave my room before going back and grabbing my retainer and taking it with me. i had taken it off to speak with dr davis

12:08 i change slippers and head to the bathroom. i use the edge of my phone to turn on the light i change slippers then i use my phone to shut the door. i use toilet paper to open the lid and i sit down and pee

12:09 i finish peeing i stand up and wipe. i use my non wipe hand grab toilet paper and flush. i use my non wipe hand and pull up my boxers and go to the sink where i was i dont count or anything just wash

12:10 i brush my teeth

12:12 i finish and rise my mouth and wash my face. i wash my hands no ritual. i dry my hands with a towel grab my phone open door with shirt hem change slippers and go to living room to sanitize my hands

12:13 i sanitize my hands. i go grab my water glass from the table use shirt to open fridge bare hand to pour water shirt to close then i set my water down and sanitize my hands.

12:14 i pick my phone and water glass up and take it to my room. i change slippers and take my effexor and methylfolate. i put vaseline on my lips and i put on my face oil. i sip more water before going back to my bed

12:15 i get on my bed and sanitize my hands. i pull my duvet over me and i wrap my komaeda blanket around my shoulders. i lean back and my back cracks and it feels great. i start to type out the past several minutes.

12:19 i go on instagram and respond to kon’s comment. i post two memes to mentos and then respond to kon and ace about levi ackerman.

12:25 my skin is peeling more so i rub off the dead skin. i hate the feeling

2:36 i wake up. i fell back asleep. i dreamed and i forgot already im falling back asleep i texted back jamie my mom and brother sam spencer and i got a notif that my meds shipped i check instagram messages from ace and an and i reply i get texts from sam i post two of his memes to mentos i check mail have to reply to tom so sleepy. i think of augustina and how i would buy a strap on for her.

3:06 i wake up for real. i remember my dream. it started out with videos of clifford the big red dog but set to music and looking like a lowfi art video then gbenga appears and is dancing and i recognize that this is his artist takeover for theorizing ig. his hair is sticking up into an afro and he’s shirtless and dancing and i realize that the art sucks and he’s just advertising his clothing brand. then we’re on a beach i think its huntington state beach and im watching from a distance and his clothes are strung on clothing lines where volleyball nets usually are between those pole. he’s talking to a girl influencer who is vietnamese and telling her about the clothes and she thinks its amazing and want to get some clothes and she walks away. then john oliver appears and is talking to gbenga about his clothes and also really likes them.  gbenga gestures to a yacht that appears and he and john oliver appear to discuss. then two random white boys one has a shitty beard jump past me and tell me to get on the yacht with them and i begrudgingly do so. im now in a string bikini. we go into a spacious inside cabin with armless couches lined up against the walls. gbenga is gone and is just another white boy with the two and john oliver is still there. the white boys joke about stealing their uncles yacht. some stuff happens i forget but eventually one of the boys says his aunt has a private island we should go to. they all laugh and agree. there’s a small hatch at the front of the yacht. they tell me to go in. i sit down at the hatch and then i start moving and another white boy was gonna go behind me but he goes “oh boy” and stops before getting on and then the other white boys laugh. i realize im on a roller coaster through a jungle and i dont have a seat im just sliding down these wooden slats i go through all of these dips and i fly off the track but somehow land on the end of the coaster and i shoot straight up and land back on the yacht through another hatch. i talk about how fun the coaster is but then dont wanna listen. i fall asleep and the boy sexually assault me two put my hands on their dicks and jack themselves off and another shoves his dick into my mouth. i wake up when he does that and manage to fight them off and i run out of the yacht and in on a stone street in a diagon alley looking town. a witch is there and she has a pokemon looking creature that turns into her broom. my mom is there and i tell her to look at how amazing that was. i land on the front of her broom and we fly off through the street until we get to a house. i turn into the witch and i walk inside. theres a girl but she’s cartoony and looks like a salt shaker and her mom. the girl is dress in a pilgrim like dress. the mom says the girl is special and must wear her special clothes and wraps the girl up in this cloth that she can barely see out of. theres a maid who is interestingly shaped but i cant remember. we walk down the hallways and its all dark but theres green fog by the floor and purple trim on the doorways. we find the girl floating down a hallway. the maid’s arm stretch and grab the girl and pull her back. the girl is still swaddled in cloth but there is another cloth its the same color red but it has an ominous green glow and theres a wrapped hat with pointy ears floating above it and two evil eyes one bigger than the other and with yellow whites. it approaches and we run with the girl through a new door into a new space. something happens i cant remember but then a lady grabs the girl suddenly im the girl and she zooms me through this warehouse space to the top on an intricate pile of something i cant remember. feels like a christmas tree in shape but doesnt look like it. she spreads her arms wide and someone starts playing a xylophone and now theres hands rapidly hitting xylophones in this insanely fast cacophony. there are inchworms colored like the very hungry caterpillar and they walk around as the hands hit the xylophones. some are so small they look like calculators and the hands are rapidly moving. some stuff happens i forgot then i woke up. thats what i remember

3:25 i finish typing. before i started typing i checked mentos and my messages and mail again.

3:26 i check my messages again. Julián has responded to my mom. its my tio rubens birthday today. i have to message.

3:31 i check my mail again and i check instagram. i message back ace and sam, and i send sam an ag cook post on mentos. hes made a song for the final evangelion film. its the best possible news. i go to my main and post it to my story. booker johnson followed my main. ive never met him at roski but his art seems cool. i follow back

3:33 mimi texts that there is leftover manas in the food and sam and i text that we will eat it. i ask what dishes and she says butter chicken. this is the best possible timeline. i sit up in bed

3:34 mimi warns that its spicy. its even better news.

3:35 i put on my glasses snd sanitize my hands

3:36 i throw off my covers and knock a poster off my wall. it’s a print that andres made a while ago. i dont put it back up.

3:37 after typing that i dont pick it up i immediately go and pick it up and put it on the wall again. i sanitize my hands

3:38 i get up i put on slippers i grab purple glove change slippers then go out my room. i put on the glove and its for the wrong hand but i make it work. i walk to the front door and see a package with my name on it.

3:39 i open the door to check for anything else then i close it. i start to grab only rhe first package but then i remember the second package is also for my so i pick both up and take them with my to my room. i change slippers and put the packages on my bed and pull off my purple glove with the tips of my fingers and then i go to my bed and sanitize my hands.

3:40 i open up the smaller package. its my medication. i consider drinking an ensure cuz im worried about touching silverware today.

3:41 sam appears at my doorway. he announces that he’s on his way to eat some butter chicken. he says theres two boxes of it so he’ll leave one for me. i say thank you

3:43 i open up the other package. i struggle a bit with the tape but make it work. it’s the chess set. it’s much nicer than i expected. i’m excited ! i sanitize my hands

3:44 i text papa thank you. i also text tio ruben happy birthday. my hands itch and feel warm and so do my arms. i worry the chess set poisoned me.

3:46 i sanitize my hands

3:47 sam comes to my doorway. he remembered that at one point my instagram account got hacked and no one realized it was hacked. they just thought i was posting ray bans pics because i thought it was funny. we think that would be a great theorizing ig series.

3:48 i tell him about my gbenga dream. he laughs. we both slam his lookbook because it was terrible.

3:52 i check instagram and message back sam and ace. i sanitize my hands.

3:54 i respond to sams message on mentos and i reply to a comment about levi.

3:58 i text augustina. we plan to talk abt my thesis tonight.

4:00 i check instagram.

4:01 i sanitize my hands. they are flaking so bad.

4:02 i get up put my black glove on my right hand change slippers go outside. i bring my water glass. i open milners fridge and grab the indian food. i use both gloved and ungloved hand to open up the butter chicken. i use my gloved hand to grab a plastic fork. i pour the basmati rice into the container then mix it and eat it cold

4:04 sam talks to me about getting his work done

4:05 wendy walk in talking about how she’s getting vaccinated. i ask how her project is going and she says its ok. she tried exporting a video before her meeting just now but it was going to take thirty minutes and she didn’t have the time. she goes to her room

4:06 i get up i drink my water i use my gloved hand to throw away the containers i didnt eat all of the rice but thats ok. im still full from the pasta yesterday. i go to my room set down my water and take off and throw away the glove. i didnt realize how dark my room had gotten so i use my phone to turn on my light. i go to the living room and sanitize my hands

4:07 i use the edge of my phone to close cabinets and turn on the light and i change slippers go into the bathroom and sit down.

4:08 i go #1 and 2. i type out the past several minutes

4:11 i get up wipe use non wipe hand to grab toilet paper and flush and throw it in while its flushing. i go wash my hands and i do my ritual count of ten but i end up doubling it. the water is grey because of the hand sanitizer and i freak out so after i dry my hands i grab toilet paper and wipe down the sink

4:12 i throw the toilet paper into the toilet and use more paper to flush then throw that in too. i was my hands again just one count of ten for the ritual but i take time scrubbing in between my fingers. i wipe with towel then use my shirt hem to open door. i change slippers use phone to turn off light then go to living room and sanitize my hands.

4:13 i walk to my room get in bed and sanitize my hands again. my hands are dry and they sting. i type down the past few minutes

4:19 i sanitize my hands again

4:21 i check insta. i sanitize again. for some reason i think if i sanitize ill moisturize my hands

4:28 ive been picking at my peeling skin

4:30 i check instagram

4:32 i check my mail. i have a new email from rogers about the financial agreement. i send an email back with questions about the document.

4:36 i check messages again. nothing new. i sanitize my hands

4:37 i pick at the skin around my thumb

4:38 i get up and go to put vaseline on my hands. i also grab my blue gloves. i get back to my bed and sanitize my hands

4:39 i put on a blue glove on my right hand and lift off my laptop from the ground and put it on my bed. i open it up and then wiggle off the glove so i don’t have to touch the outside. i sanitize my hands

4:40 i log into my computer and start this note. i sanitize my hands

4:42 i check my email. i have to reset my gmail password again because it won’t save my recommended passwords. i set a new one

4:45 i reply to tom and send him my field trip form as well as an update about my treatment situation.

4:48 i google “covid updates” i sanitize my hands

4:54 i finish reading the nytimes update. i sanitize my hands

5:04 i was on instagram. i sanitize

5:06 i open up the sims. i need to reinstall wickedwhims

5:07 i shut down the sims and go to the website and download. i then move the new folder into my Mods file for electronic arts

5:08 i open the sims again. i record the starting audio for my after effects project. i have to record twice because I wanted to wait for the audio to loop so I get the original sound

5:13 i finally loop and i get the audio and save it. i delete the first audio i recorded

5:14 i sanitize my hands and press play on the sims. switching to that note now

5:15 what if i kill myself. what if i did. i want to tell someone that im thinking about killing myself. i feel determined. what if i killed myself. maybe thats what i have to do. i feel warm inside. what if i killed myself.

5:16 i text it to ace. i tell them not to worry and that its just an intrusive thought. i believe that as I type it. but I’m not sure. it’s just so convincing.

5:17 back to sims

5:39 i scratch my eyebrow and chin

5:41 i rub my nose

5:43 mimi is complaining about the mechanics outside. they’re just running a business leave the latinos alone.

5:48 i scratch my face. mimi bought me milk at ralphs and asks me to venmo her $2.19. at some point she came and told me she was going to ralphs and i asked for milk but now I dont remember when. I cant believe i forgot to write that down

5:49 i double check my phone notes to see if I wrote it down. I didnt

5:50 i check my messages and text back ace. they understood about my intrusive thoughts and they also get the need to overshare because of their ocd and then get the feelings of guilt after just like me. Ace also texted kon and i a photo of missy with her haircut. she looks so smooth. she naked.

5:54 im going to skip class to keep working on the sims. I wouldn’t be able to stay the full three hours in class anyways. i cant do both class and the sims today so I’m picking one. i sanitize my hands

5:56 i check my messages and text back ace. i check instagram and message back ace and kon. i go back to texting ace. we are talking about how we feel bad dating someone that isn’t at first our friend because we don’t want to overwhelm them with out mental illness symptoms. i sanitize my hands

6:00 i text back sam and ace on my laptop. sam and i talk about theorizing ig. we talk about how we wish we got artist statements because we want to know more about yesterday’s takeover, and how today’s takeover was near identical conceptually to yesterday’s at least visually and was spam posted and clearly not thought about.

6:03 i talk about how maybe they could do art statements on roski_4d and then leave the posts on their own on theorizing_ig. sam agrees. i text with ace about their ex and how he would comfort them during ocd attacks.

6:05 i go back to the sims. i pause to text sam and ace

6:10 im still texting sam i sent them the ig argument that the account that would constantly dm em started

6:11 i text sam that ill talk to him later so i can focus on ym work. he’s at the village waiting for our friend jay to arrive. i start the sims again

6:33 augustina texts me that she is going to stress clean her house and if she isn’t tired then after that we can talk, and if not we can talk tomorrow. i tell her not to worry. i go back to the sims

6:34 i bring my laptop onto my lap and push my back against my pillows and headboard because i can feel it start to hurt. i sanitize my hands. i start the sims

6:36 i rub my face and scratch behind my ears

7:01 i scratch my head sanitize my hands then scratch again

7:17 i adjust my postion and find an earring magnetically stuck to the bottom of my laptop

7:18 i check my messages. nothing new. i santiize my hands

7:19 i check instagram. ace liked a message i sent. i check my mail and reenter my gmail password. it sticks this time

7:20 i play obey me

7:27 i scratch my face and sanitize my hands and once more after i finish typing this

7:29 i plug my phone in to charge and sanitize my hands

7:31 my hands are tingly and hurt a bit. the computer is poisoning me but i have to keep working for my thesis. im worried my hands will fall off. i sanitize again

7:33 i scratch my chin. i sanitize again

7:39 i move my laptop off my lap and take a break. i sanitize

7:40 i eat some chocolate chips. i sanitize my hands. i finish reading the event story on obey me.

7:41 i eat more chocolate chips. i want to drink milk and make brownies so i sanitize my hands and get up

7:42 i go outside with my water glass and use my hem to open the fridge and my bare hand to grab the milk. i set it on the table open it and pour some milk.

7:43 i drink the milk. its so good

7:44 i go back to my room and set down my glass. i change slippers and go take off my boxers and put on pajama shorts because i didn’t do that this morning. i go to my bed and sanitize my hands

7:45 i go back to my dresser. i put on a new pair of black gloves and go change slippers and leave my room. i see mimi in the kitchen cooking. i go to the living area to sanitize my hands. i look at her ingredients and see that she might use the oven.

7:46 mimi asks me if later this week i want to play lego star wars cuz shes obsessed again. i say hell yes

7:47 i decide i should go get the bananas because i am hungry. i had already taken off one glove because i had decided to wait to try making brownies and i walk to my room. i change slippers go to my jeans from the 6th and find my keys in there.

7:48 i change slippers and go the back door. i see that i have no shoes there and i walk to the front door and see my red slip ons there. i grab them with my gloved hand and take them with me to the back door. i change into my shoes and set down my keys. i use the hand holding the glove as a tissue and open the door, then grab my keys and walk down.

7:49 i shiver because it’s kind of cold. i make it to my car and unlock it. it smells like bananas oh no. i grab the bananas with my tissue glove hand and close my car door. i lock it and walk upstairs and punch in the keypad with my gloves hand

7:50 i change into my slippers walk to the kitchen and assess the damage. its not too bad theyre just a lil spotty. i use the tissue gloved hand to take off the glove on my right hand and i go sanitize my hands. i grab a paper towel and use that to open the trash can and throw the paper towel away then i sanitize my hands. i pick a banana and peel it.

7:51 i start eating

7:53 i scratch my face

7:54 i finish the banana. it still tasted fresh just a teeny bit softer than i like. i toss the banana peel into the trash - i had opened it earlier so i could do this later without having to touch the trash can. i take the remaining three bananas and put them on the ledge of the island where the fruit bowls are. theyre full so i just set it to the side.

7:55 i throw the plastic bag the bananas were in into the recycling. i sanitize my hands and grab my keys and go back to my room

7:56 i change slippers and drop my keys onto my desk and get on my bed then sanitize my hands. then i write down this entire experience

8:09 i finish writing. i plug my phone in and briefly check instagram.

8:10 i play more obey me

8:11 i lay back against my headboard to give my back a break. it feels good. i adjust my shorts because laying down gave me a wedgie

8:13 i scratch my nose and ear

8:48 ive been playing obey me. i finally caught up on the event. i text back augustina. she’s panic cleaning her house

9:12 ive been texting augustina. sam brought me a package and i opened it and my nail brushes and cuticle oil were there. i also unpacked my keyboard cover and i fixed my H key and put the cover on and my stress is dramatically reduced. i texted ace about my keyboard cover and they’re happy for me. sam and i texted about the comments argument a bit. sorry i got distracted texting augustina we talked about cleaning and the sims and chocolate and energy drinks in sourdough bread and video games and burger king.

9:15 i screenshot a text from augustina and send to ace. down Bad

9:17 i check instagram. i write something in create mode and post to mentos

9:20 i scratch my face

9:22 i put my laptop on my lap again and get ready to play. the cover is AMAZING. but now my trackpad feels unprotected but i doubt theres something like a trackpad cover

9:32 there is in fact something like a trackpad cover. i order it. i havent felt this free in so long. its like im typing on air. i sanitize my hands but it feels like im starting fresh

9:34 my trackpad is worrying me now. i sanitize my hands but i decide to play more sims.

9:36 i sanitize and text ace we talk about my keyboard cover. i text dr levy about it to tell her the good news. i feel amazing. i feel born again. i can do so much now

9:40 i text ace. they send me a tiktok of a fuyuhiko asmr video. he has a terrible accent in it that sounds vaguely bostonian and we both say at the same time that he belongs in the Departed. we lose our shit

9:42 ace and i text kon about watching some more of those asmr videos together. i go back and forth between the two conversations before i go back to the sims

9:54 i scratch my chest, head and side.

10:04 ace texts me and kon. ace sends me some tiktoks about nge and death note. kon sends me information that in a ranking of all the dr boys’ dicks fuyuhiko was second smallest. they are scrolling to find who had the biggest and we are betting on it being hajime.

10:08 i sanitize my hands and eat chocolate chips. augustina was telling me about how ethical cocoa is sixteen dollars and typical cocoa is four dollars, and how that means that the workers are getting paid far under a living wage. i feel bad but i keep eating my chocolate chips. i need chocolate so badly or i will die

10:11pm i text ace and kon. we argue over why soda is said to have a big dick. kiibo is second in the competition and we agree. we argue over if reiner is hot in attack on titan and if connie is hot.

10:22 kon sends a tiktok about aot. we text more about aot. we both want eren so bad

10:25 we talk about who is or isnt a virgin in aot. i start playing the sims again

10:28 we decide that reiner and bertholdt were fucking

10:38 i scratch my chin and my head and face

10:39 i check my messages,nothing new. i scratch my back and sanitize my hands and go back to playing

10:55 i scratch my eyebrow and neck

10:56 i check instagram

10:59 i scratch my nose and eyebrow and head. i sanitize my hands and go back to the sims

11:00 i change my position to be more comfy and i uncross my legs

11:02 i hear sam and wendy talking outside. i unplug my laptop and my phone and bring it out to join them

11:03 i change slippers and go outside. i ask whats up and sam says they are complaining about work. i agree. i tell him i got the keyboard cover and hes excited for me. wendy comes out and looks exhausted. i ask her how her project is going and she replies that she wants to kill herself. i say thats understandable.

11:04 i put down my laptop i sanitize my hands and bring the sanitizer to the table. i talk about how im getting a trackpad cover too. i sanitize my hands when i set it down. i ask wendy if she wants go come work with me outside and she says yes. we talk about how the team on her show only gave her the files on sunday to start editing which is why she only has a day to edit and render everything. i use my phone edge to open the cabinet and grab a glass for wine. i talk about how little people understand about how long video editing takes. i set the glass down and go grab my bottle of wine and pour myself a glass. i sanitize my hands and take a sip.

11:06 wendy goes into her room and says she’ll be out in a minute. sam comes out and tells me about how he’s making up fake queer names for maria camacho to present to femfest. i laugh and sanitize my hands

11:07 i get up and go to my room i change my slippers and fish around my clean laundry for pajama pants because im cold. i find some and put them on over my pants and tie them. i change slippers and head out. i sit down and sanitize twice and write everything down.

11:14 i close the cabinet wendy left open and turn on the bathroom light with the edge of my phone.

11:15 i change slippers use my phone to close the door use toilet paper to open the toilet lid and i sit down and pee

11:16 i get up wipe and use my non wipe hand grab toilet paper wipe seat use more toilet paper to flush and throw it in. i use my non wipe hand to pull up my pants and turn on the faucet and i wash ritual for a count of ten. the water drops are grey again and i freak out and i get toilet paper and wipe down the sink. i use more toilet paper to flush and then i throw it in and i dont want again because i tell myself ill sanitize when i get out

11:17 i get out i sanitize my hands and i write everything down. i notice wendy has set down a bowl of grapes. i think she’s facetiming theo in her room. i hear good music come out of sam’s room.

11:20 i sanitize again. i take a big sip of wine sanitize again open my laptop sanitize again. i log in with touch id and sanitize again

11:21 i play the sims while sipping wine

11: i google what the fucking dolly thing is in the sims. its a hand truck

11:29 theres a small fly circling my hand sanitizer. i slap it away and touch it. i sanitize twice

11:42 i scratch my neck. i probably shouldnt be drinking alcohol on my medications because its hitting me so hard after such a few sips. i check my messages. nothing new.

11:43 i check instagram. i comment under a mentos illness post. i go back to the sims. i feel very under the influence but in a medicated way not drunk way. i drink more wine. i dont want to feel.

11:45 i sanitize my hands. some of the wine gets caught in my throat and i cough.

11:53 i scratch my eyebrow and chin

11:55 i sanitize my hands. i am almost done with my one glass of wine and i think thats enough for tonight. it’s hitting me super fucking hard.

11:56 i sanitize my hands and check instagram. i rub my face with my shirt collar

11:57 back to sims i sanitize my hands

11:58 i rub my chin with the back of my wrist. i cross my legs and pull them up onto the chair seat