1:06 text renzel asking wtf happened

1:07 end meeting

1:08 texting ace abt ending now. im so confused. its so confusing.we both had no clue wha to make of it

1:09 closing laptop gonna sleep




cite seeing machines year. fix in vivos. 1970s not 70’s

1:12 check obey me aet alarm for obey me in morning. fart




7:30 wake up finish battles in obey me. i masturbated last night. i remembered that. i went to sleep

10:00 i wake up for real. alarm went off. i play obey me

10:08 catch up. there was no celebration for me playing for one year. it’s my anniversary with the game today ! i check instagram and then check mail

10:21 i email jeny asking for a time push. i lie and say it’s for my thesis deinstall. I don’t want to say it’s because I have another interview that I’m prioritizing

10:22 i email annie confirming today at 1

10:23 i respond to an email bianca sent me asking if i could push the 4th interview up to 12-12:30 because she had a scheduling conflict. That’s what gave me the courage to email Jeny earlier. I tell bianca of course

10:24 text back ace. the lump on missy’s neck has been swelling and their really worries

10:25 go back on instagram but first text cvs confirming a refill of testosterone

10:38 get off cuz ace texted. the lump on missy’s neck burst and there’s blood everywhere. i text back asking if there’s an er ace can take missy to. i also say i can come down sfter three if they need anything

10:41 start typing down morning

10:42 email bianca back. type more

10:43 type more

10:48 check messages. ace and their mom are taking missy to the vet right now.

10:51 email mike asking about deinstall times. my goal today is to work out rn and get through my interviews. if i have energy i put away laundry and do a load. i need to start on my thesis. i also want to do the ballad of sexual dependency video today.

tomorrow i can start emailing people again about my show.

10:56 idk what i was doing but i get a call from rogers. they ask if i’ve gotten their farewell card. i check my mail while on the call and say no. they say they’ll send it again

10:57 we hang up

10:59 i finish typing

11:01 check instagram

11:02 i check mail. worried abt missy.

11:03 i check fitbit for sleep. it says i woke up at 4:30am but not 7:30. huh. i realize i haven’t been dreaming

11:04 i get up put on my workout shorts leave pj tanktop on. i grab socks put on sliplers and go to the end of the hall

11:05 i get there and realize i have to pee i take off slippers put on socks put slippers on head down hall into kitchen to bathroom

11:06 i sit down and pee and type

11:08 get up wash hands brush teeth

11:10 finish wash face head down to hall

11:11 at end of hall put on shoes grab workour stuff

11:12 outside lay out mat

11:13 squats

11:15 finish pushup

11:16 finish mountain climbers

11:17. did better on everything else but worse on those today

11:18 situps

11:20 finish. ended up doinf extra aftwr the minute. break

11:22 stretched my legs a bit hopefully i can become more flexbile. i was so flexible when i swam plank time

1:24 finish i did childs poss for a bit after cuz i delt my lower back take up too much work

11:25 lunges

11:26 finish hip raises

11:28 finish crunches

11:29 finish. break

11:31 stood up touches toes did arm stretches. feels good

11:32 burpees time

11:33 finish do a few slow cat cows. toe touch time

11:35 finish. exhausted. gonna try leg raises but only 30sec

11:37 did for a minute until i felt my back take over so i stoppes. take a break enjoy the breeze

11:39 did butterfly stretch. arms time

11:42 finish did biceps, the open chest thing my brother showed me, ans triceps. gonna stretch as a break then do open chest again

11:43 did some toe ones and lightning bolts. open chest time

11:45 finish workinf out. wrap up mat

11:46 grab my things go inside. take off shoes but not socks and put on slippers. go to room to get towel dont take off slippers go outside take water glass

11:47 milner is in the kitchen listening to a podcast. they have finished eating. i say hello n they look up but don’t respond. they look tired. i get a glass of water ans drink it

11:48 in bathroom now gonna shower

11:49 get in shower

11:52 get out. just washed body. put on body oil

11:53 put on testosterone. wash hands after

11:54 ren texting me. maybe we do tattoo on tuesday




12:16 i finish my eyebrows


1:10 join meeting

1:35 end. annie says she’ll be in touch. i hope i get it so bad




2:37 post a tiktok. dont look at it. took too long to make cuz ocd

3:17 zoned out. will fill gaps in later. made sure to send texts before actions so i would have timestamps. need to think of grocery list

• cream cheese
• bread?
• cheddar cheese
• monterey jack
• mushrooms
• eggs
• yogurt
• bananas
• pasta
• vegetarian meat trying to eat less meat
• some processed foods ?
• potatoes
• milk
• parmesan cheese
• broccoli ( check first )

3:22 check insta. suicidal

3:35 check tiktok im just waiting for phone to charge

3:38 catch up on obey me. gonna put on pants then shopping time

3:39 check mail. im depressed. i delete tiktok again

3:40 check messages

3:43 put on socks. contemplqting wewring big boots to trader joes

3:48 decide on big boots grab bags and make sure i have everything then go put on boots get in car

3:49 drive

4:00 arrived and in village. paranoia up

4:01 i checl my mail qnd head to the medallion pickup. i shouldve done my hair. feel so naked. not dressed up enough

4:04 i pick up my medallion. she was so nice. On my way! to trader joes. people arw stqring. i want to kill myself. i am Not feeling cash money rn




4:06 in line for trader joes. cant tell if this is agoraphobia or paranoia. want to die. everyone starinf. i sont think theyre trying to kill me maybe. trying to tell myself they arent. when im stressed my paranoia acts up. telling myself the creature on my back isnt real. dawg we doubled my risperdal why this. notbing helps

4:08 thinkin abt the ghosts

4:15 in line. gonna get stuff as i walk now. glad i got a cart

4:16 i answer texts from wendy wnd sam. so tired

4:17 try retracing steps thru texts

4:20 dont do that cuz line moving. get items from freezer section. typing notes gives me an excuse to look at my phone. stressed

4:22 there are people trying to kill me behind me i feel a knife on my back. they are whispering. help help help

4:23 trying not to look back cuz ill freak out the people behind me but there is a ghost on my bqck with a knife. not The creature but a ghost. its not there its not there. stress. i hate grocery shopping so so so so so so much

4:24 i grab pita chips. i look up someone is looking at me. she wants to kill me i think. malice in her eyes

4:25 a lady asks me whwre the line starts and i tell her way back. shes nice she wont kill me

4:26 stress turning on and off phone and accidentally trigger emergenxy call stop it in time. stressed. these people will kill me i can sense it. they have knives. no they dont. they dont have knives. they dont. they dont

4:27 calming myswlf down. thought defusion. focus on breath

4:29 two people pass me wanna cry. wanna cru. i felt him brush past like the ghosts

4:33 i hold up the line getting cheese. want to cry. the all hate me. not that thwyll kill me just hate. calming down paranoia. feeling better. feeling better

4:36 text sam that trader joes feels like lunchtime at middle school

4:45 back in car. cashier was so nice. she calmed me down so much. thank you. thank you.

4:46 drive

4:55 arrive back. accidentally pressed accelerator isntead of break while parking in backyard but luckily only for q second. text back sam abt trader joes

5:09 post abt kazimir malevich on mentos. turn off wifi for better service

5:11 back in house take off shoes put on slippers

5:12 take shoes to room

5:13 back by groceries. unload tome

5:14 typing turn back on wifi