7:30 i get up wnd play obey me but fqll asleep after winning the battle

9:22 i get up play more obey mr

9:30 my alarm rings

9:34 catch up in obey me. trying to tell if membership is worth it. go to instagram

9:40 get off instq. ace texted kon and i abt danganronpa and sent a meme. i respond.

9:42 i check mail. nothing new. i go here to type

9:44 i remember that i did mqsturbate last night but stopped halfway. i was too tired

9:45 i want to watch the f1 rqce but mimi will want to watch it together

9:46 i scratch the side of my neck. i need to update my website

9:48 i check instagram. my alarm rings so i go to the clock app and turn it off. i kept snoozing it

9:56 i check instagram and request to follow lauren. i unarchive a pic of me so she recognizes me

10:04 i close my eyes for a bit but get up

10:05 i grab my phone and get back under the covers

10:06 check messages. nothing new

10:07 i pull my laptop up from the side of my bed. I’m gonna work on my game. i bookmark a page and check hadestown tickets but no luck in getting a tba.

10:08 i check mail

10:10 i type this down

10:13 google chrome isn’t rocking with me so i close down a bunch of other apps. judging by how the notes app is responding to my typing it looks like my computer is having a rough time with it. i guess it is four years old but that shouldn’t be that long

10:15 my computer does better and I start to work on the CloudNovel game again.

10:24 i pause while working on my game and check my phone but no new notifications

10:25 milner walks into my room and asks if I saw who went into their room because they say someone did to put their blanket back on top of them. I say no.

10:26 they ask if I can call their phone for them cuz they lost it. I say sure and call. they go back to their room to look

10:26 the call ends but they haven’t found it. I call again

10:27 i call again. they walk back to my room to tell me it’s a lost cause and they probably left it at ben wendel’s house.

10:28 they are about to leave my room but share that they are still drunk and have to somehow drive to get to a covid test in a half hour. i think it’s at usc and ask if they can walk but they say no it’s in hollywood. I forgot that they took a year off. they leave

10:29 i hear milner walk to mimi’s room to talk to mimi and zaira. I start typing stuff down

10:31 i finish typing. i hear wendy coming in. she asks if zaira is leaving and she says yes.

10:32 i desperately want to kill myself. i see no purpose in living if I am not doing something productive. doesnt even feel depressed. it just feels like a fact that my life is not sustainable

10:35 i check insta but then make a meme on memeatic and post to instagram. i check some more

10:36 i post a photo of my hands to my private to show off my nails.

10:40 i hear wendy leave and say bye. I guess she is going home. I want to go home too. this week I’ll go home for a bit. i see milner walk into their room again, looks like they changed into more clothes

10:41 if it seems like I am typing a lot more than normal it’s because this is the only way I can think of to help me make my actions more meaningful and to stay present and not be as suicidal. i go back to work on cloudnovel

10:45 i pause and look at my nails to see how much they’ve grown. I am figuring out to do when the extensions grow out. I might try and sand them down at the end so it looks more natural.

10:46 i scratch my chest. I hear ben wendel arrive. They help Milner, who blacked out, figure out what happened last night.

10:50 I go back on instagram. i see arjun commented a laughing emoji on my mentos illness depression post

10:52 i text it to cam and say he’s mocking me /j. cam thinks it’s hilarious

10:53 i go back to instagram

10:56 i get off instagram and go to type stuff down. ben is still here. i feel shitty. i don’t want anyone here. i feel ugly. I want to work out again but I don’t want it to be a complex.

11:11 i go to my phone and airdrop more pictures of the cat cafe

11:12 i put them on imgur then put them in my cloudnovel library

11:19 i finish my cat cafe scene. time to do drive to johnny rockets. shouldn’t take long. i have that, drive to ace’s, hang out at ace’s, drive to cam’s, hang out at cam’s, drive home, and aftermath of withdrawl episode
11:20 i check insta

11:21 augustina texts me i check. she says to do the obey me membership and calls me a loser. i agree. we text abt her feeling loopy from the vaccine

11:30 i screenshot pics from google maps forthe drive to johnny rockets. i pull my laptop onto my lap

11:34 i add the images to CloudNovel. already exhausted.
I have such low energy these past few days. I feel weak. I need some purpose in my life

11:35 i check mail on my phone but exit before it loads. I check. my messages but no new ones. i check my convo with augustina

11:41 i organize all my scenes in cloudnovel. ace sends me a danganronpa tiktok and i reply.

11:42 i get up ut of bed for the first time all day.i set my laptop to charge

11:43 i set my laptop to charge put on slippers exif room

11:44 i enter bathroom sit down pee. maybe i need to fall in love to find purpose in life but that’s so much work

11:45 get up wipe flush wash hands. idk how we did it but the soap dispenser works again. i brush teeth

11:47 i brush until my toothbrush battery dies. i plug it in and wash my face and go outside

11:49 i get the stool and use it to get the rice cooker from above the fridge. i set it on the counter. i get the flour tortillas laying on the counter, clip the bag, then put it into my fridge

11:50 i get the rice and pour two cups in. i start the cooker

11:51 i go get tuna from the pantry and set it down. i fill the water kettle and set it to boil. i grab a plate and a fork and bring out the cheesecake to the kitchen table

11:52 cut a slice, sit down at the kitchen table, eat cheesecake

11:54 finish. i want another slice but im abt to eat a meal so i calm myself down

11:55 get up cuz kettle finishes. type down

11:58 catch up typing. gonna make tea

11:59 i pull out the danganronpa themed teas ace got me and take out my tea. i scoop out a bit with a spoon and pour it into the individual tea capsules. i go to the kettle and pour hot water into it

12:00 i get a can opener and open the tuna. i drain it over the sink then go to throw away the lid but there’s no trash bag

12:01 i get a trash bag from the broom closet and put it in. i would never have been able to do this beforehand. i wash hands briefly

12:02 i get a bowl and go scoop tuna into it. i go to the fridge and get out mustard and mayo and pour it on top. i eat a bit of mayo on the side. i love mayo so much it’s not good

12:03 i mix it up and have a bite

12:04 i get beans out my fridge and get a plate from the drying rack. i scoop some onto the plate and set it into the microwave for a minute

12:05 i get pepper and season my tuna no salt. i eat another spoonful. the rice finishes and i open the lid. i take my cheesecake dish from the kitchen table and bring it over to the sink.

12:06 beans done take out plate. scoop rice onto plate. get tuna scoop. pause check phone

12:08 i bring it over to the table and sit down. i type

12:15 catch up typing. gonna eat

12:17 i eat. sam comes out and asks what i’m eating. i say rice beans tuna. he comments on the mayonnaise out on the counter

12:18 he puts sourdough bread into the toaster but it’s too big. i tell him to use the toaster oven instead. it’s a revelation for him

12:19 sam decides to make a grilled cheese and looks for the panini press

12:21 i finish eating. sam asks if the glass of water is mine. i say no. he speculates that it was his from last night

12:22 these logs are my only reason worth living rn

12:24 i catch up on obey me. i talk to sam abt my postmates coupons decreasing in value with each promo. a fly lands on my empty plate

12:25 it flies off wnd lands on my arm. i shake it off. it goes to the table. i think if i went to heaven and it was like this i would want to kill myself. i can’t imagine living like this for eternity

12:26 the fly gets close to my ear and i bat it off. i hear it buzz. i explainour loud. tactile hallucinations. calming down. i feel a hand on my back. its not ted bundy. its a friendly ghost ?

12:28 i text ace abt watching more wonder egg. i feel full. i feel fat. i need to get skinnier. i want to look good i saw an image of allegra on instagram and she had a beautiful stomach. i want to be proud of my stomach. sam goes and checks his grilled cheese then goes back to the couch. he is on the beige couch working

12:29 we talk abt nacho slop. i need to clean up and work more

12:30 i drink more tea then get up to clean

12:31 i organize my dishes and plastic wrap my tuna and put it in the fridge. i keep mistaking things for flies like i see flies crawling but its not ans i tell myself it isn’t and i defocus and refocus my eyes and it’s just specks of peoppee or a stain on the fridge.

12:32 i put away my teas

12:33 i sit down and drink more tea. once i start working im going to hate it but i hate this more

12:34 i see flies floating in my vision. irs just black specks. im just tired. i have an active imagination always. if i write it down here it helps convince me that it’s not real

12:35 i should wash my dishes. i drink more tea

12:41 i scoop my rice into a tupperware and put it away. i also go get my meds and my water glass and go to get water from the fridge and take my morning risperdal. sam walks over to check his panini but it’s not done. he’s going over his thesis for grammar errors. i need to write my thesis

12:45 the fly lqnds on my again for real snd i freak out. i play the daily puzzle on wordscapes

12:46 sam comes over and checks on his panini. he asks how long its been since he knows im writing it down. i check and say he put it in at 12:21. he decides to take it out. the fly lands on me

12:47 we discuss the fly and also cooking chicken in the panini press. sam goes to his room to call his parents sbt graduation

12:48 sam comes back in to check his fridge. he says he will clean up later and i say don’t worry

12:49 i scratch my nose. sam goes back into his room. i feel flies on me but theyre not real. ghost flies

12:52 check insta. i desperately want to kms. i dont know. i just. dont want to be here at all. i feel isolated again. i miss group. i miss my friends. i miss everyone. i want to see people. i cant be alone with myself. this is just how i was doing before minus the intense ocd

12:53 i thought i could have a happy ending with therapy over. there’s no such thing. i feel a fly land on me snd i check but there’s nothing there. that felt like s real fly not a ghost. the feeling of ghosts is coming back. i qm alone with them

12:56 staring off into space. a fly for resl lands on me i think. i freak out. i want to shower i feel dirty but im stopping myself from showering. its not good if i shower based off of semi hallucinations of contamination. bad idea.

1:02 i wash mt dishes qnd run the dishwasher

1:03 i sit down at table finish tea. fly lands on me again. i have to leave the kitchen or else my mind will break

1:04 i finish my tea snd go take it to the counter. i shake the little container over the trash so the tea leaves shake out then i gonwash it

1:05 finish get more water

1:06 back in room undercovers. i still feel flies

1:08 feels terrible. gonna try closing eyes and relaxing to get the crawling off me. i check mail

1:35 woke up. had sleep paralysis for a bit but go out of it eventually. took the time to think through things. have some motivation now. i masturbated too and that helped to reset my brain and get my mind less scared. feeling better

1:42 i was on insta now i text ren abt tattoo. gonna work on game more. art pieces to make: after effects sim melting,  ballad of sexual dependency, white hair video. i want to make it like how not to be seen. also ag cook air head video. i have things to do

1:49 check insta. feeling better. i need a job. gonna work on video game

2:21 i finish the next two scenes. now it’s walk back and drive back

2:28 screenshot more images. gonna do walk back

2:34 i fart. i finish the walk back scene. five scenes left.twelve done. seventeen total. maybe six scenes. ill decide

2:42 screenshot google maps images

2:43 i check messages. sam sent me an among us meme. I text him back that I can’t live like this anymore and I mention my tiktok.

2:44 i get distracted looking at my nails and comparing lengths

2:45 how do i know the people around me are real.

2:47 ace texts back and says yes to watching more wonder egg tonight if kon can’t stream riverdale

2:56 catch up on obey me. i decide to try and pull for the satan ur+ card. i think they do this on purpose where it wont give me the card i want every time.

2:59 i calculate. i need 17 more demon vouchers. i can make it happen i know it. gonna try n not spend money. if anything ill do lonely devil once paws ends and play to get demon vouchers there. i think ive gotten every ur+ card since christmas. im insane. i love my collection. i dont care abt the moving images cards i want the ones with the animation. i want to get the satan ur+ that came out a while ago too. praying for time in between this and the revival gacha. i think ur+ cards started with paws or at least ur’s did

3:06 i count. i am missing seven. i have 13. i only started trying to get them all at christmas so there’s two halloween, two christmas where i didn’t participate ( there were two gachas )one from the rain gacha, one satan from earlier, and the satan im trying to get now. all happened after Paws so. i have time to save up and for a lot of them i already used demon vouchers for them so there’s less to try and catch up on.

3:10 the only question is which ones are worth it if there’s going to be more ur+ in the future. like which ones are worth getting since i already own 3 green and 3 orange ?

shelter from the rain = blue (2/3)

caves require caution = red (2/3)

our story’s ending = yellow (2/3)

a pair of ornaments = yellow (3/3)

a secret present = orange (4/3)

trick quest = purple (2/3)

more important than candy = blue (3/3)




i might not try and get the halloween ones but i DO want all the xmas ones because theyre all a set of each boy waking up. essential




3:15 it might also be good to have multiple because each has a first and second skill. and the second skill is important in battles so right now im basing everything off of first skill.

3:20 i read lucifer’s wiki page. im obsessed with this game so much

3:40 i catch up on all the conversations in obey me finally after Weeks

3:48 catch up just chilling on obey me.

3:53 i try and upload more images to cloudnovel but imgur is being a baby. it finally works

4:38 i organize my entire downloads folder and delete unneeded files. i feel so good. i feel productive even tho im procrastinating. i should get out of my bed

4:39 start working again

4:40 bring my laptop out to kitchen table put on slippers. go back to room dont take off slippers to find water

4:41 find it in my room walk back out set it down

4:42 drink water and type it down

4:44 start working again. clean glasses

4:45 i stretch and scratch at my skin. a scab comes off and i bite at the dead skin. bad habit acting up

5:07 finish drive to ace’s scene. milner comes out n asks how my day is i say ok. they get food go to their room

5:08 they come back refill their water from the sink and go to their room again. i type it down. so tired

5:11 sam comes out of his room and announces that he submitted his thesis. i say yay. he goes into the bathroom

5:13 sam comes out of the bathroom and starts putting away dishes. he tells me that topochico is selling hard seltzer and trojan liquor has it.

5:15 i text Julián abt it

5:16 i feel gross.

5:17. sam tells me abt the travis scott hard seltzer. he gets up on the counter and finds a lid on the bowls shelf. we don’t know what it’s from

5:18 sam continues to put away items. maybe ill rinse off. i might feel muggy from the weather




6:36 working and watching. i pick my nose again. wendy came back a bit ago i forgot to write down. she goes outside through the back hall now.

6:47 text mimi about the f1 race. she asks for us to watch it Tuesday night when she’s back. i say yeah ofc

6:49 back to working. i love hunter x hunter. brings me back to high school

6:52 i check messages. Mimi thanks me for waiting. i heart her message

6:54 i get the AP boost in obey me and combine pieces for the Lucifer UR i earned

6:55 back to work7:15 finish the ace apartment scene. next it driving to cam’s. shouldnt be too bad i hope

7:20 sam comes back and tells me about this fancy grocery store he and jamie went to. I can’t imagine shopping at a place like that. It feels surreal. I would feel too uncomfy to buy things. It’s not like my family doesn’t make good money - I am very lucky. That’s just an environment I can’t get used to. I’m impressed that Sam and Jamie went and actually bought things.

7:39 insane amount of images i just screenshotted for the drive to cam’s i hate this. why am i doing this

8:07 working on scenes. so many images for the driving scenes. milner comes outside and is largely talking about how they are piecing together their blackout from yesterday. I don’t really want to hear this shit lmao.

8:19 sam goes to check on his laundry. i remember i have to fold mine still




9:00 check insta. post a meme sam texted me. text back ace abt working on my project

9:34 text ace more abt streaming tonight. trying to finish game asap so we can try and stream a bit. im so tired though i want to go to bed after this

9:50 i fart quietly. Sam is eating at the table. He is confused as to what’s happening on the screen

10:03 crunchyroll exits out so i go back and play it again. im on ep 117. ive watched like ten today already. want to finish chimera ant arc soon cuz then its the arc with the name I always forget

10:34 finish and text ace. I publish the game. so tired. Now I can relax. just my thesis to worry about this week !

10:37 i scratch my thigh. sam is taking out the trash. earlier wendy went out and asked who wanted to get up at 8am to promote senior scramble. i say im so tired with doing the art and coding that i dont have the energy to give more to the project and do my finals at the same time. sam tells me about his final where he has to read a book.

10:38 terrifying how Sam can go take out the trash then go to his room without washing his hands. I need to practice more to be ok with it.

10:39 sam takes stuff form his room and goes outside again.

10:40 i enjoy watching hxh while waiting for ace to text back. after this episode i’ll get ready for bed and take my medication

10:44 i fix some typos in the game but i honestly don’t care anymore. so tired.

10:52 start zoom meeting

11:13 go on insta and look at feed. watching wonder egg with ace. it’s a filler episode