1:16 u know what if i take time for myself graduation week im allowed !! was at a party watching high school musical the musical the series

1:18 yeah no notes

1:57 in bed. watched an episode. my phonne case finally broke. its been so many years. im proud of it for lasting so long !!! two phone skins. like four years

2:02 on insta. check mail. might masturbate. ate good tonight. spent money. transferred out of savings to be safe. will be ok. it will be ok. job soon all going to savings. all grad money going to savings. gonna build it back up. i have money !!!! need to build it back up. i cant do it

2:11 on insta. setting alarms goodnight. might try and watch porm

2:20 watched porn and came. random video just people fucking. found it on first page of pornhub. goodnight

9:00 wake up. try and sleep

9:36 wake up. check insta. try and sleep

9:41 wake up. match with someone on hinge. check mail. insta

9:45 i text back anais about my daily logs. she’s so nice !!! im a big fan of hers

10:00 alarm goes off i turn it off. on insta. catch up on obey me back to insta. just scrolling. i text spencer about my visual novel

10:30 i get off insta wnd sit up in bed. people are in the kitchen

10:31 i google greek escape

10:32 i try and call but i realize that theyre open at 11

10:33 i hang up. i text spencer back. i remember i was texting theo a lot last night. he sent me a lot of muppet impressions. sam says he’s in love with me.

forgot my timestamps but i went to bathroom and brushed teeth. i went to kitchen and cooked. mimi was outside eating and on her laptop

11:00 i ate ! made eggs and ate with spring mix on a bagel. forgot to make sausage but its ok. mimi and wendy are setting up their virtual commencement in the living room. mimi asks to borrow my hdmi cable i say yes

11:04 holly calls me i run to my room. she asks if i want the digital marketing position i say yes. we have to figure it out around my internship but she will get back to me

11:10 i hang up with holly. i go outside and tell wendy and mimi the good news and rinse my dishes. i put away my bagels too

11:13 i go to my room wnd sit on my bed. i type

11:16 i go on insta and post a meme abt reigen on mentos illness

11:17 i heart react to anais’ text

11:22 i go on instagram. i decide to not

11:23 i call greek escape. theyre not doing stole embroidery for usc anymore

11:58 made and ordered a sash. papa says to get the sims logo. its expensive. im letting it happen

11:59 log into commencement

12:01 hasnt started yet

12:07 i give up on zoom and just join livestream. sam shows me the fuck lettuce party flier he made. its epic

12:09 was on insta pause to go to text mama about the sash

12:11 i look at my photos gallery

12:13 tom and jennifer appear onecreen i stqrt laughing. mama calls i answer

12:24 hang up with mama. Julián is there! we catch up a bit

12:32 on insta. commencement ends. underwhelming

1:16 i finish taping reigen onto my cap

1:17 send jamie photo of cap

1:20 send spencer photo of cap. text both jamie and spencer

1:28 on insta

1:30 sorry for shitty notes im so hungover today. sam wants me to go to another party tonight but i might not. want to sleep

1:34 i get the dirty dish from my room and rinse it in the kitchen sink

1:35 gonna take tylenol. wendy says to. she is working in kitchen too

1:36 i go to my room and grab two tylenol and my laptop. i go back to the kitchen and take the tylenol with my water glass and open my laptop

1:39 i email back dolores

1:42 distracted on insta

1:43 wendy heads back to her room for a meeting

1:47 i email dr davis asking for prescription refills

1:48 on insta. i crack my neck

1:49 im supposed to work out today. if my headache gets better i will. if not ill just do some simple exercises in my room

1:52 editing my website. gonna upload more logs

2:00 update april 9th

2:04 update april 10th and 11th.  the 11 was a day off so i just put the date and leave the page blank

2:08 update april 12

2:20 distracted on instagram reels. so many pretty people

2:23 update april 13

2:27 finish april 14

2:31 i smell the trash. my sign to touch the trash cqn lid. i dont think i wrote it down but i got my amazon package earlier and it was my razor !

2:32 touch inside for fifteen seconds touch face for ten. feels bad but i can do it. four urges to sanitize. hands tingly. it’s been a while. have to stay on top of these things more. might try microwave rn too

2:33 touch microwave for a few seconds and touch face. feels ok

2:34 stnd in shower barefoot. feels awful. i step out and feel my wet feet. i put on my slippers and leave. i want to cry. this is still something i hqve to work on. i have to keep going. big urge to clean my feet. like BIG urge. oh shit. i havent felt this distress in a while

2:36 sitting down at kitchen table again typing. i feel awful. level 3 anxiety which isnt bad but ive been at 0 for so long. i canf avoid. gonna set a few minutes every once in a while to do exposures so i dont get caught up and lose my overcorrection

2:37 i hate the shower. my legs feel numb. i have to get better. i close my laptop. i feel awful physically. my hands burn my legs burn from touching things.

2:38 this is a good sign though. it means i have more work to do. i can do it !!! i believe in myself.

2:39 i check email. feel sick. i wanna curl up in a ball and cry. i want to sanitize so so so so so bad. i cant do it. i cant sanitize. i cant go back. its barely been two weeks i cant go bqck. trying not to cry. i feel so weak. im so weak. i dont want to go back. i hqve to be strong

2:40 i sit on the grey couch and start crying. so many urges.  i feel so small. i should take my risperdal

2:41 i get up go to my room and get two 25mg pills. i go back to the kitchen and take them with the last lf my water. i sit at the table

2:42 cam texts me

2:44 we text about grad afterparties tomorrow. i can’t make it to dom’s because i have dinner with family but cam might have an after after party at her place and i say Maybe

2:45 we agree to play it by ear. i heart react a text elisa sent me abt my grad cap. i also sent a text to her forgot to write that down. feeling like i have more energy. thank you tylenol. too drained to go to party tonight. those brief exposures wrecked me.

2:46 i should organize my room a bit because when i went inside i wanted to cry from the mess. its not bad it just takes a second. i want to paint. maybe ill paint next week !!

2:50 post a meme to mentos. i see wendy leave her room. she goes to her bathroom

2:51 jamie texts me about inuyasha. im gonna try and touch the trash can again

2:52 i touch it and my face for 15 each. reminding myself its ok. i might do a day a week where i touch everything to make sure im ok, or to split things up and touch a few things a day. if my anxiety is any indication rn then it meqns i hqve to do this more. i cant go back !!!

2:54 worried abt my psych grade

2:57 i try two different grade calculators and they both say i hqve a 70%. please pass me please. its a c- i should pass !!!

2:59 wendy comes out into the kitchen. she is on her way to the mall because she burnt her dress with the iron. she wants to buy a new dress. i realize i need to pick up my room because i’m avoiding touching other objects rn

3:00 i head to my room. i pass by milner in the hallway talking to wendy about the dreas and the mall. i enter room take off slippers

3:01 i start putting away clothes. i pause to eat a york patty to snap out of the clothes being dirty mindset. im in an ocd mindset rn. everything is dirty

3:02 i need to calm down. gonna tackle clothes today

3:04 i organize my shoes and put my graduation gown on my towel hook. im too scared to iron it i might steam it by putting it in the bathroom as i shower like mama suggested. my phone case fully breaks. i need to order a new one

3:07 i go on etsy but i might do amazon. ill see what they have

3:08 i order the same clear plastic case from amazon. ill get a fun phone skin or something for it later. ive done uzumaki and oyasumi punpun so far. maybe ill get a gantz phone skin next

3:09 gonna keep organizing

3:15 i organize and put away all my tattoo items and bring all the scattered clothes to the center of my room

3:20 i take anan’s tye dye shirt they made me and go to rinse it in the laundry room. i put on slippers exit room. i walk past milner cooking in the kitchen

3:21 i start the washing machine and head back to my room

3:22 back in my room take off slippers. sit in middle of room. it feels better already

3:34 get zoned out on instagram. have to charge my phone

3:35 i plug in my phone

3:37 i make my bed

3:47 i finish organizing everything. im gonna sweep n clean my desk n then ill be done i think. gonna light q candle

3:48 check messages. nothing new. im hungry again

4:00 finish picking up. swept wnd cleaned desks !!!

4:01 put on slippers put away cleaning supplies and go to laundry room and move anan’s shirt to dryer. pass milner at kitchen table on their phone

4:02 grab plastic bag from bathroom and put it under kitchen sink again. head back to room

4:03 take off slippers light two candles go sit on bed. peaceful. took my time and didnt let myself get anxious. want to sanitize so bad

4:06 done typing it out. candles smell nice

4:14 on instagram. text back taylor abt my eyebrows. augustina likes my message. oof. i exit before i see what she says

4:16 i match with someone new on hinge

4:17 i swipe on tinder a bit but no one on these apps feel good to me. idk. im losing interest in dating again already

4:21 augustina liked my message. of course. she posted a new painting i like it and share to my story. it’s brilliant

4:22 text ace abt augustina. text ace and kon abt kon’s new ventures with kael

4:29 we r talking abt attack on titan headcanons

4:35 pause texting to check insta

4:42 talking about reigen arataka. a love like that please

4:46 go on hinge reorder photos

4:51 on insta.

4:52 get up put on slippers cross kitchen pass milner at table again. go to laundry room take shirt out dryer. hang it up in bathroom for now

4:53 i stand in the shower barefoot for a bit. feels bad. i finish after several seconds then sit down and pee

4:54 i type stuff down. idk what im doing with myself

4:56 i look at past messages. theos muppet impressions r pretty funny

4:57 get up wipe flush wash hands. grab shirt go outside pass milner again

4:58 go to room take off slippers hang shirt up in closet. go back out grab laptop and razor and mat. realize it’s my cutting board !!!! i say so out loud and milner laughs

4:59 take everything back to my room set on my table and go sit on my bed

5:03 check instagram

5:04 texting ace and kon abt people talking to ace when they leave their house

5:55 play a lot of obey me. sam is back and tells me about his time at nobu. he says gia’s house might have a party tonight

5:56 i go on insta and heart react to ace and kon’s memes

5:57 text back my dad. he’s just checking in

5:58 text back ace and kon. same topic as earlier