had a terrifying dream. got shot in head and survived. woke up left side of body feels numb. head hurts. scared to leave bed.




too numb to write down details. i was swimming again. quincy and his dad were there. art galleries. ace and kon. botox queen asks to meet she hates my art. she shoots me bottom left of brain. i say im ok i stagger i call 911 i pass out. flashes of people they put anesthesia on mask i pass out. wake up later head hurts. really kind doctor. my mom is there with my clothes. left arm is numb which doesnt make sense. she says im lucky. i cant talk much. i go home with mama. rehabilitate. everything hurts. numb.




it was really vivid but i dont want to relive it. i got up in bed but im scared to leave my room or go outside. trying to tell myself it was just a dream. i feel my brain scrambling to try and think of how to solve my panic. my left arm is so numb and tingly. head hurts headache.   




i am practicing standing in front of windows to prove no one is sniping at me. it is very scary i started crying. im gonna go stand by it again




crying really hard. im so sad. i was having a really peaceful few weeks but now i feel the ocd creeping back. im gonna touch the fridge shelves




i touched them. it feels awful. i can do this. i have to do this.




i worked out and showered and went into kitchen and someone was on the balcony and i thougjt they were setting up a gun so i ran back to my room




im supposed to go to a party tonight idk if i can im worried ill be overstimulated and freak out




plugged in my air freshener to calm me down. maybe ill have a glass of wine. i ate so much bread pudding today im not gonna eat any more. i had so much kbbq yesterday i need to give my stomach a break




air freshener helping. the tops of my desks are messy but im keeping myself from organizing them. cant go into a spiral rn




milner made me tomato soup and elbow noodles as a thank you for me bumming them some weed. thank you milner. sam them and i are sitting at the table