not sure when i start these again. the vacation is nice. did some ab exercises rn. ive gained 15 pounds. i want to cry. i need to lower my risperdal dose now. i have to take my morning meds

eating communion wafers and watching hannibal. gonna watch my calorie intake more. i dont know. i need to do an actual workout but i just got my tdap and blood drawn so im not up to it rn. also depressed. i tried doing pushups n my arm hurt so i stopped

i ate a bagel rn one half with an avocado one half eith cream cheese. so fucming hungry. i hate my appetite

1:50 i want to kill myself so badly  at

1:55 i want to kill myself. i hate my body. i hate it. im gonna email dr davis i think i dont know. idk how long i can do this

1:56 i want to die. i cant handle this. im gonna email dr davis

2:03 i email dr davis