12:02 i arrive at rens and go theough the gates

12:03 i arrive at their fromt door

12:06 get saniderm hug ren go back to my car drive home

12:11 i get back and go inside. everyones her sans jamie i say hi and go to bathroom with saniderm

12:14 i text ren that i’m back safe n saniderm on

12:15 i exit bathroom n hang oht

12:17 talking to eloise and jay abt chadgoesdeep

12:20 catch up typing. gonna just enjot party brb

12:44 tell reanna abt moon hooch. send youtube vid to them

1:11 calming down we r all just chatting in the living area.

1:23 check insta. gonna check mail

1:30 check email. talkin ant nats breakup. reanna and jay are Deep into the puzzle

1:49 we finish the puzzle ! i helped with the last bit but it wqs qll jay and a bit of reanna. so proud of everyone

1:53 go use bathroom pee

1:54 get up wipe flush wash hands brush teeth

1:56 finish wash face floss

1:58 finish testosterone

2:01 finish wash hands. my teeth r less yellow somehow !!!

2:03 i walk outside get water glass get water go to room take pills

2:04 i head outside n wave bye to everyone. go back to my room pick up a bit.

2:05 put on face oil change out of clothes keep shirt on. has plasma juice on it n im worried wbt more leakage so im keeping this dirty one on just in case. this tattoo is REALLY goopy

2:06 in bed under covers. type

2:08 catch up typing. missed a lot of stuff but thats good cuz i was with friends. had a lot of fun. more serotonin in my system now. socialization helps a lot. i go on insta and fart

2:15 i fqrt

2:16 i get off insta. gonna play obey me then sleep

2:19 catch up. if i wait ten minutes i can get more coins so i might do that or i might sleep. am tired. set alarms for 9 and 9:30. cant fuck up schedule

2:20 might masturbate but maybe no. we will see. goodnight

9:00 wake up. check insta sit in bed

9:01 check messages text back reanna. check mail

9:03 obey me

9:09 catch up set new alarm

9:10 hear someone cqll my name

i was dribing to berkeley up winding roads on a mountain at night. i took a different road and went the wrong direction but i still made it. something happened woth some cars but i dont remember

football game onscreen. Julián wasnt there but my parents were. there was a straight girl and a gay guy taking over the stage. she had on blue gold black sequined leotard with the sheer skin tone fabric so the sparkles faded up her torso. and she was doing dramatic poses layinf across the stage. there were low rising flower beds on the stage too with white walls like griffin’s piece. she laid down on her side back to us and stretched her arm over her head and her brown red hair was in a tight ponytail that didnt move. the guy was skinny and a twink and had an angular face and black short hair that stuck up a bit and had frosted tips. he took pictures with a digital camera.

there were a few girls dancing on stage and there was a girl with ginger blond hair in a ponytail and her baby hairs were like ringlets. she has on a short top almost like a bra and had teal low cut pants with lace peeking out the top. they sloped down in the front and were slightly higher in the back to cover her ass. she dipped her hips and the men on the crowd cheered. she had an amazing body.







i was curled up while watchinf it arms pulling knees to my torso. my moms dad comes out and offers his had to me and talks to me. i grab his hand but dont move.

it’s still nighttime. my uncle is also there




it ends and i go up to the stage. everyone is excited. it’s a crowd of people including tealpants girl. i dont ask anything but someone explains to me. theyre excited because it’s equal - three touchdowns before and three touchdowns after. the teal pants girl looks like megan from rogers. she has on silvery eyeshadow and black eyeliner. she nods solemnly




my parents come wnd we drive windy road to go home. its a hotel. its the same bathroom situation as my home and i go to my bathroom and the light is on wnd theres a towel on the hook. there’s a chain lock and i lock it. i sit on my toilet




theres a knock on my door. it’s my brother and he has long hair. he’s shirtless n dripping wet n he manages to stick his head in. he asks me to get out of the bathroom and that he showered in mama and papa’s bathroom instead but forgot his towel. mama appears behind us and laughs and scolds him for forgetting his towel




then its me cam jackie and some guys who i dont remember as well i think my brother and gareth svanda. we are in a warehouse that appeared in another dream long ago. a combination of penny from roski and ruth from my high school art classes is giving us a tour. theres some industrial stuff and forklifts happening and a lot of noise




i see some dresses. they are mainly red and gold and orange. i look at some that were lying on the table and go through them. the first stack is mainly burgundy and i go to the next stack. it was a lot of mermaid dresses and multiple were red and orange and scales with gold highlights that gleamed. it was one of those then a more subdued beige yellow with a black tulle tail part then two more of the scaled dress




there’s a clothing rack so i go look at those. theres more dresses here but a lot have built in busts so i dont try them on. i realize they are dresses for the cheerleaders after i see a tag.  i find one with a sheer tan top that under the bust line becomes burgundy. it has a high neckline that sparkles and a sheer beige sleeve thing like miss piggy’s that hangs off your left arm. i know this is the one and i ask ruth to try it on. she is hesitant but begrudgingly says yes.




i go to the changing rooms. they are all full. theres a lot of dogs and couples. i go back to the front wnd the second closest door has a guy a dog and a backpack and a water bowl. he finishes and he moves the dog so i can get im and i almost step into the water bowl but he moves that and the backpack out of the way. i say thank you.




at first i am worried my nipples will show bjt then i have my skin colored binder that i put on. it hides my breasts kind of. there’s no good mirror cuz the changing room is essentially a toilet stall so i cant see myself.




i step out and go to a mirror outside the entire changing area, which had teal stalls and light teal carpet. theres a mirror leaning against a white wall. cam has on a white beige low cut loose dress and jackie has on one of the strapless mermaid dresses. i look in the mirror. my binder is gone and mt breasts show but i think i look nice somehow they are bigger than cam’s in my dream. i look at my arms and jackie’s and realize we are the same weight




at this point in time i realized i was dreaming and was gonna lucid dream and make myself move away from the mirror but then




11:30 i wake up

11:32 start typing

12:10 finish typing. happy i had a dream after so long. such a detailed one too

12:11 i get out of bed don’t get glasses and put on a new shirt. it’s gonna be my interview shirt. i put on slippers exit room. i pass by wendy on my way to the bathroom and say good morning and that i was typing down my long ass dream

12:12 i sit down poop pee

12:17 sit doen do makeup

12:26 finish. google more abt 18th st. so tired

12:32 go on insta

12:43 off insta. posted to mentos. augustina watched my private story for the first time in w while idk how to feel

12:44 i go on obey me

12:46 i catch up. preparing for my interview mentally. so stressed

12:49 respond to elisa’s text. while write down all of this morning’s texts too. she concluded her analysis that the prizes are kind of rigged. she’s right.

12:50 i get a calendar notif that my interview is in ten minutes. stressed

12:58 back on insta. interview time

1:25 finish. frida is amazing !!! she thinks im really talented and is impressed by me and she says she hopes i get the job. she is confidenf. i then google a lot abt skirball. i am not jewish. idk if i want this internship but im gonna try damn hard.

1:38 i check instagram.

1:41 off insta. hqve to ask wendy for my charger

1:45 i text wendy for my charger but realizs she lives right next to me so i go over. put on slippers i knock on the door. she has it ready for me

1:46 i get my charger back from wendy and go back to my room

1:47 i eat a piece of mango chile and take my slippers off by my dresser not doorframe. then grab my glass put on slippers walk outside get water

1:48 i sip it as i go back to my room. mimi is about to work out and asks me if i am doing my interviews in my underwear. i say yes. what am i gonna do, put on pants ? no.  

1:49 im back in my room. mimi wishes me good luck. i take my morning  / afternoon risperdal and i finish my water and sit down at my desk

1:51 finish typing

1:52 check insta briefly

1:54 finish typing down more things. stressed for interview

1:57 check hinge and tinder. i dont want matches. im just bored. idk what i want but i dont want to go on a date

2:00 join

2:41 leave theyre were super nice ! i liked them a lot too. we will see.

2:46 get off insta

2:50 i pack up my makeup

3:06 almosf done packing up

3:11 in car. said bye to mimi

3:12 text dr levy.

4:12 arrive at car wash

4:30~ back at home. see bo. help parents cut new plastic for the pool. go upstairs nap with bo

5:15 email jean lee abt honor cords if there’s any way i can get mine. i talk abt gmail not showing me my emails sometimes to mama and papa. papa says it happens to him on yahoo sometimes.

5:23 in car to restaurant for papa’s birthday. gonna try n not take notes today. want to be present for his bday. might take notes during drive though

5:24 mama changes from npr to her music. donna summer’s bad girls plays.

5:27 i feel love plays. we talk abt graduation

5:33 mama paused music to talk. we talk abt me living with cam for a few months before we find a new place. i say let me get the internship first then ill see. mama plays i feel love again

5:34 mama tells us that iliana is asking if clarissa can come practice piano at our house. papa says yes but he’ll be glad to be working at the office those days

5:35 im carsick for some reason

5:38 i do believe starts playing. my moms on a donna summer craze rn. we talk abt mimi being vaxxed

5:40 walk away plays

5:42 discussing my future plans and being independent. she works hard for the money plays

5:43 im carsick cu i haven’t eaten i think. i ate some mozzarella cheese before we left but that and the mango chile is all I’ve eaten

5:44 i respond to ace’s text about love live. they’re all so gay

5:48 grand illusion plays

5:49 we exit the freeway to pch. mama tells us about someone that wants to go with us to valle

5:52 we arrive. we talk abt maggie’s divorce

7:15 on our way home. brown eyed girl is playing. texting Julián and ace. good dinner. some lady was trying to talk to my family in bad spanish. my mom and i were trying so hard not to laugh. my mom hates it when that happens

7:19 catch up in obey me. if you could read my mind by gordon lightfoot is playing. texting ace abt love live and Julian about internships

7:22 ill stand by you plays. we drive up pch through laguna. beautiful

7:26 its too late by carol cole plays. i love this type of music. so calming

7:30 i feel the earth move plays. papa tells me abt a panel he’s gonna give

7:33 don henley new york minute plays

7.37 we catch the last or the sunset as we drive out of laguna. beautiful so pretty

7:40 how sweet is it to be loved by you plays. we drive past crystal cove. mama talks abt how she misses mona. i miss her too. hopefully we can see other post pandemic too

7:42 mama talks about what steering wheel position i was taught to put my hands when learning how to drive

7:43 a firetruck passes and mama complains cuz no one moved to the side. a car brakes suddenly. its a porsche and mama drives fast to go past and the guy stares at her as we stare at him. she was betting on it being a white woman.

7:45 paul simon still crazy after all these years plays

7:47 i email jean lee back. she sent me the address it says 422 not 1422 for address. i email back just confirming thqt it was a typo

7:48 van morrison if i ever needed someone plays.

7:52 george harrison what is life plays. i dont think ive heard before

7:54 we r driving past downtown huntington beach. i check instagram. i want to text augustina but idk what to send !! i miss talkin to her more often

7:56 america sister golden hair plays. mama talks abt how she’s called her sister recently. tia ho is trying to get her real estate license. mama doesnt trust her

7:58 check tinder. awful.

7:59 papa talks about sharks. i forgot they existed. marine life is insane

8:00 jackson browne doctor my eyes plays.  

8:03 van morrison astral weeks plays. mama and papa talk more abt clarissa coming over to play

10:31 set alarms goodnight. had good time. no more update. sleep. tired

10:56 obey me servers seem to be down. will try in morning. gnite forreal